Real American History That The ‘Woke’ Left Doesn’t Want You To Know

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It’s no secret that school textbooks don’t cover the whole of American history, and that important facts about this great nation are often omitted to serve a narrative. In the name of keeping truth alive, The Onion presents these real accounts from American history that the “woke” left doesn’t want you to know.

Most Of American History Took Place In The Past Most—almost all, actually. The First Native American Tribe Didn’t Step Foot In The U.S. Until The 1980s So-called “indigenous” people crossed the Bering land bridge a mere 40 years ago, when shoulder pads were everything and MTV was all the rage! Slaves Owned George Washington That’s right. The first president was too nice to say anything about it, but his slaves actually owned him.

Japan Asked The United States To Drop The Atomic Bombs So That It Would Have An Excuse To Invent Godzilla The entire premise of a gigantic irradiated lizard wouldn’t make sense otherwise. All Of Thomas Jefferson’s Children Were Conceived Using IVF While some claim the former president had inappropriate sexual relationships with his slaves, his offspring were in fact conceived through in vitro fertilization.

Source: Education Headlines (educationheadlines.net)

 

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