Queer People Don't Owe Anyone an Explanation of Their Identity — Especially Straight People

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OpEd: 'Take your time, and understand that there is a community waiting for you, whenever you decide what you want to do.'

after intense speculation about his sexuality. He wrote on Twitter that he felt forced to do so as a result of the relentless demands to label his sexuality. No one should feel forced to come out, or to identify themselves in any way. But beyond that, this pressure closes off possibility. What might our relationship and understanding look or feel like if we moved away from the pursuit of definition and toward curiosity?can feel affirming.

In California, Samia felt pressured by her partner at the time to come out to her family, and the split between their values around coming out felt too difficult to overlook. For example, while watching gay activist and politician’s biopic, Samia and her partner had distinctly different reactions to the same scene: Milk, played by Sean Penn, rallies a group of predominantly cis white gay men and insists they be public with their gay identities. Samia remembers watching Milk tell one man to “...

“It … comes from a particular set of privileges. The privilege to [come out], knowing what you're risking is the loss of kinship that you have and your community," she says. "As a cis, white gay man, you can still navigate the world in a particular way. The relationships folks here in the U.S. and the West have with kinship are far I think less… [or] different than the notions of kinship that I have growing up as a Muslim Moroccan.

 

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