Q: 'What Does ‘Be Yourself’ Mean for Adults with Fractured Self-Esteem?'

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Therapists and coaches advise adults with ADHD to ‘be yourself,’ but what if that means risking social guffaws, relationship harm, and further injury to your self-esteem? Advice for adults with ADHD apprehensive to reveal their authentic selves.

’ means to be unapologetically you. However, while thinking about how to respond, I realized that this simple, two-word phrase can convey many ideas that can be overwhelming or confusing. Let me try to break it down.to feel they need to alter or ‘fix’ their personality. Years of working with students with ADHD has made me very sensitive to this. Granted, all relationships and interactions navigated at work, school, or home provide various degrees of challenge.

“Being yourself” is less a look than a feeling. It means understanding what makes you tick. I found it interesting that you only mentioned “flaws” and “shortcomings.” But those don’t paint a complete picture of you or anyone else. I’m sure you also have many strengths and skills. So, when I say “Be yourself,” it means to— identifying and celebrating your strengths, while also acknowledging your weaknesses.

Let me try to provide a real-world example. I had an adult coaching client whose ADHD behavior tended to manifest as; he often interrupted people in conversation and in meetings. He was so concerned that his ADHD traits would damage his reputation and chances for a promotion that he became a wallflower, rarely contributing, providing feedback, or affirmatively engaging with colleagues.

For Matt, “Be yourself” meant letting his friends and colleagues see the best parts of his personality while also learning to be more patient in meetings, picking the appropriate times to speak up and contribute. When admonished for the occasional interruption, he quickly apologized and acknowledged that it was sometimes hard for him to contain himself, especially when he had a great idea based on something he just heard.

 

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'Social gaffes' is the term I think you were going for.

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