Vol 49 Issue 09

Vol 49 Issue 09

Proud Species Commits Suicide Rather Than Be Driven To Extinction By Humans

Proud Species Commits Suicide Rather Than Be Driven To Extinction By Humans


Proud Species Commits Suicide Rather Than Be Driven To Extinction By Humans

COOS BAY, OR—Amidst rapidly deteriorating environmental conditions that have left the species in imminent danger of extinction, the world’s leatherback sea turtles announced plans Tuesday to commit mass suicide rather than allow human beings to wipe them out. “For years we’ve just been sitting around waiting for these assholes to finish us off, but I say if we’re gonna go out, we do it on our own terms,” said a 25-year-old female leatherback, who along with others of her species confirmed she would rather throw herself into the rudder of a fishing boat than “give those cocksuckers the satisfaction of finishing the job.” “Any of us who managed to survive this massacre would at best end up displayed in an aquarium or penned up in some bullshit ocean preserve, and what kind of life is that? No thanks. We’re leaving this world with our dignity intact.” Several leatherback turtles added that while suicide was indeed their most respectable option, they would regret not being around later this century to see the human race itself driven to extinction.

Read more: The Onion

Sucks to suck😎 This hurts r/madlads Thats better than having proud species coming to finish off humans in a fight to the finish. actually...not funny Unless.. this is both sad and metal as fuck This made me sad This is so sad Alexa play despacito Such a dirty word, humans.

'Crazy Rich Asians' director 'proud' of female writer for demanding equal pay'Crazy Rich Asians' director Jon Chu spoke out Monday in a lengthy open letter about writer Adele Lim leaving the sequel due to equal pay disputes. Gross New”the matrix” After China ruled the United States, everyone was connected to a computer in a dream for a lifetime. Now the Chinese have basically lived this day, and the whole people have brain control.

Kevin and Danielle Jonas' Girls ''So Proud'' of the Jonas BrothersDanielle Jonas dishes on her family touring with the band in this exclusive interview with E! News. Aren't we all? Why are they dressed like the children from The Handmaids

'I could not be more proud': Boston police commissioner defended officers' conduct at a Straight Pride rally, despite accusations of violence'We don't hate anyone, we just want to have our own celebration just like everybody else has a right to,' John Hugo, a Straight Pride organizer, said. citizens of Libtard nation have watered down the racism angle so much now. Normal Americans don't buy it. Boston police dept have been Nazi hacked Leftist are always violent when it's something they oppose

Living in the Shadow of SuicideStories of losing a loved one or surviving a suicide attempt put a human face on a health crisis.

Seventh mass extinction? Severe and deadly event 260 million years ago discovered by scientistsScientists believe that the Earth is currently going through its sixth mass extinction event. Cockroaches and fossil fuel executives will survive. You guys do realize that science has proven that about every 2.5 million years the Earth is blistered by asteroids right? Last happening around 2.5 million years ago ironically. Global Warming means what exactly?

Jolting discovery: Powerful new electric eel foundOne newly discovered species of electric eel can deliver a bigger jolt than any other known animal. Holy crap!! Where can I get one? 1.21 Jigawatts!

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