Piece Of Dog Shit Pretty Picked Over By Time Fly Got There

📆 9/6/2019 2:45 PM
📰 TheOnion

⏱ Reading Time:
1 sec. here
2 min. at publisher
📊 Quality Score:
News: 4%
Publisher: 51%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

ALBANY, NY—Observing that the choicest bits were long gone, a local fly confirmed Friday that by the time it discovered the piece of dog shit near a tree in Ridgefield Park, the defecation had been pretty well picked over. “Dang, you can tell this was some real primo shit, probably from a pit bull or something,” said the fly, lamenting that there wasn’t much to choose from beyond a few dry, undigested crumbs and some hair. “It’s been sitting in the sun for a while, which is great, but someone already got to all the good chunks. I wish I’d gotten here five or 10 minutes ago, because I’m not even sure I can piece together a full meal from what’s left.” At press time, onlookers reported that the fly’s day appeared to have improved dramatically after it discovered a fresh pile of human shit the next alley over.

Write Comment

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Fortunately, it still qualifies for a Cabinet post in the Trump administration.....

burcham_don Apt description of my week

Somebody should tell fly about California. It's like a neverending buffet over there.

I was just thinking to myself whose twitter account Im going to take a dump in today. Onion - comes through every time

EmceeGoCry

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Lego Unveils 4,700-Piece ‘Star Wars’ Star Destroyer SetWith a hefty price tag, you may have to sell your 'Amazing Spider-Man' 300 to buy it. LEGO_Group Not for the Jar Jar Binks fans... LEGO_Group Marvin01994 LEGO_Group That only costs $700!! What a bargain!! /sarcasm //why are Legos so expensive ///seriously, they’re just plastic
Source: THR - 🏆 411. / 53 Read more »

This $6 Piece of Aluminum Will Change the Way You CookMeet the simple, chef-y tool that will revolutionize your weeknight dinner. Tread lightly. These little buggers get crazy hot. Yep. Bought one of these for my home after my short career as a line cook. Aluminum though? Is it really OK to cook on?
Source: bonappetit - 🏆 482. / 51 Read more »

FREE GIVEAWAY: Win A Pair Of Tickets To The Performance Piece of Our Time, “Adrienne Truscott’s (Still) Asking For It”!BUST is a magazine and website that provides news, entertainment, celebrity, lifestyle, and fashion from a feminist perspective.
Source: bust_magazine - 🏆 151. / 63 Read more »

Twitch Streamer KrypixEliteTv allegedly strangles dog in horrifying clipThe streamer claims that the dog had a piece of pillow lodged in its throat and he was 'helping.' Yes, and Newsweek gives it pub. 😭 😭 We know how much Twitch loves animal abuse so if he ever reactivates his channel they'll probably stick him on the front page.
Source: Newsweek - 🏆 468. / 52 Read more »

Lil Nas X Doesn't Need to Justify Coming Out'It's not like being forced, it's just that growing up (I'm meant to) hate this shit.'
Source: papermagazine - 🏆 409. / 53 Read more »

Tennessee woman killed after attack by 5 dogsOne of the dogs was shot and killed by deputies, and the other dogs were euthanized. Ouch Charges and easy lawsuit coming. Bigly. Arrest the owner of the dogs, he/she is guilty of animal abuse and the manslaughter of this woman
Source: NBCNews - 🏆 10. / 86 Read more »