Vol 53 Issue 34, Protest

Vol 53 Issue 34, Protest

Peaceful Protest Interrupted By Swarm Of Aggressive Black-Clad Militants

Peaceful Protest Interrupted By Swarm Of Aggressive Black-Clad Militants

5/29/2020 4:40:00 AM

Peaceful Protest Interrupted By Swarm Of Aggressive Black-Clad Militants

PHILADELPHIA—Quickly turning what had been an orderly demonstration into a violent melee, a peaceful protest Friday was reportedly interrupted by a swarm of aggressive, black-clad militants. According to bystanders, the protesters had been marching and chanting without incident when they were suddenly set upon by the hostile militants who wielded blunt weapons and concealed their faces. Those who witnessed the event stated that the unprovoked aggressors seemed to have arrived planning to engage in some sort of violence, as evidenced by their protective padding and combative demeanor. Sources also confirmed that several of the militants surrounded an unarmed protester and severely beat him, and that some of the attackers also used slurs and threatening rhetoric while disrupting the peaceful march. At press time, outraged community members were demanding to know why none of the militants had been arrested.

Read more: The Onion »

wasn’t onion supposed to be satirical metaphores rather than plain truth? shanselman When the onions headlines become real.... IamMidnight38 It's kinda scary that the Onion is more accurate than normal news sources. emjay505 And here I was thinking you only did satirical stories.... Taggzzz When did the Onion start printing real news stories?

chadloder This refers to an article from 2017. chadloder Lol, ACAB SilverEagleDev When the headline to an Onion article is just the truth KagroX They say clothes make the man. Sturmabteilung GESTAPO itsJeffTiedrich neal_katyal waltshaub psychdr100 sarahkendzior elzey_t glennkirschner2 atrupar LincolnsBible TheRickWilson RepAdamSchiff RepSwalwell RepKatiePorter SarahKSilverman SethAbramson Strandjunker

KagroX StormTroopers Sturmabteilung itsJeffTiedrich neal_katyal waltshaub elzey_t sarahkendzior Strandjunker glennkirschner2 LincolnsBible TheRickWilson RepAdamSchiff RepSwalwell SpeakerPelosi AngrierWHStaff Kasparov63 UROCKlive1 KamalaHarris SarahKSilverman Awwww yes what about the 'peaceful' protesters who accidentally lit himself on fire with a Molotov

Rabid_Cowolf When did The Onion start just reporting actual events? MeoWtalisK Holy shit he did it the absolute madman rozacalderon The onion is pathetic Peaceful protests? Where?!?!?! JuliusGoat Gestapo... JuliusGoat He don't miss The have better PPE than most nurses have in this country. 😳 8bluandorange8 Yall know shits real when THE ONIONs headline is 100% true

Your supposed to write satire. hey you guys are supposed to be satire gwenemarie sadly not funny SuperWiki People sure can play dumb and post unnecessary shit when they want to. I suppose they should invite them over for coffee and tea amist all of this COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! chick_in_kiev Peaceful protests against police brutality are being hijacked by MORE police brutality. GeorgeFloydProtests

InvisiblesMuros I wonder when these peaceful protests will end i thought you only did joke headlines. JennySmallerGod Literally Thousand Oaks Whelp, it looks like has officially given up on satire. PopDetective I thought theonion only reported Fake news! MaraWilson Fuck. I remember when you guys did satire. What happened mang

m_landis NotTheOnion sadly Popehat winnersusedrugs Where is the joke? winnersusedrugs I thought you were supposed to be a parody news org I thought if I pictured them in their underwear it wouldn't be so ugly. I was wrong My dad used to call those guys 'the friendly gestapo'. I'm not as optimistic as he was so I dropped the 'friendly' part. He was joking

Fearful it is the only word i read in these men’ eyes What s going on MaraWilson Please this isn't even satire anymore subzerov690 Fake MaraWilson Stop reporting the actual news. When The Onion and r/nottheonion collide... missbonekitty Wait, wait. Hold on. This is getting too real for me, . Thought this was supposed to be satire, not what's actively going on!! My world is turning upside down.

That actually caused me to laugh out loud. Good belly laugh. Every once in a while, Onions got a good zinger. You beautiful bitch never change Fuck Pennsylvania state police. Thank you. It truly is the darkest timeline when the Onion is reporting the news more clearly than any news network. TeaPartyCat This isn’t satire, it’s documentary.

I thought this was supposed to be satire yall just posting real news now huh biggav No justice, no peace... Robots_and_Such True Damn. The Onion is 🔥🔥🔥 today. moo1946joan Maybe The Onion should sit this one out. The humor is just not working. Truth!!! GimmickAccsOOC this is from 2017 in philly i thought this was a satire news source

The onion doesn't do satire anymore, what a world to live in These black clad Antifa supersoldiers Russian protests (at least in 2017-2019) be like Peaceful BLM or Antifa? Peaceful 'joggers'? shanteer13 How does the onion never miss? TheQueerCrimer At this point, y'all should just transition to Alt-History Reporting from another Timeline. This one is so fucked.

When truth is so unbelievable that it sounds like sarcasm. Finally becomes real news 😏🤣 scotianselkie As for those who, after having been treated badly, bring about justice themselves, against them no action can be taken. Action will only be taken against those who are unjust to men and who without reason, become violent on earth

Dajo92 Thanks, I needed that Anyone remember when The Onion was satirical, we are in the worst possible timeline GrogsGamut The headline should be ‘Black man survives arrest by US police ‘ Accuracy : onion fox news m_gael RealKaylaJames The Onion gets it At what point did The Onion stop becoming satire?

Aqua174 Do they recruit these guys right out of the high school football teams? They all do remind me of the same 3 jocks I used to know. Acharenus Babylon bee in shambles COSAntiFascists I mean when satire comes true you know shits gone down the drain So people protesting because of someone who was murdered by a cop, that’s understandable, but this isn’t even peaceful, it’s borderline rioting... no one should support these so called “protests”

Why didn't these so called cops show up when a bunch of white men stormed state capitols with assault weapons ? Isn't the onion supposed to be satire? firing on all cylinders lately The onion is shining thegrugq I was wondering if the onion even bothered with new material at this point. The could probably hist republish their archives on a loop and go home at this point.

United States is dividing up. Soon it will be powerless against China and Russia. laloalcaraz Been there, seen that. Police riot in East LA at the demonstration against the US war in Vietnam. Fast forward to Country Joe and the Fish at a demonstration against the war at USC by students surrounded by LAPD. Nothing happened, white privilege. Go figure.🤔

Amanst3r Nice, The Onion! .....stil searching for the satire I thought you were supposed to be satirical. 🧐 HoarseWisperer When did you guys stop being satire? IanColdwater This is a manifestation of the encroaching totalitarian state from DC, empowering state government to militarize police; train them to be brutal, carry assault weapons, drive APCs. And riots are how we push back on the emerging police state, a regime seen more clearly w COVID too

SallyMayweather the_moviebob That’s not a joke, that’s just what actually happened. Where’s Clint Eastwood ? 'Peaceful Protest Interrupted By Troop Of Fierce Baton Twirlers' How’s possible that this shit exist on this beautiful planet? How much time these whatever they are need to put that shit outfit on? And how much stupidity takes to be part of it. What’s the motivation here? Where do they find them?

FlyThaiMMA The Onion isn't supposed to post non-satire. ACAB Holly universe, what kind of brainwashing takes to became people on this picture? Ok? I’m waiting for the punch line SanhoTree for some reason these lyrics from Body Count's copkiller come to mind 'I got my black shirt on. I got my black gloves on. I got my ski mask on. This shit's been too long. I got my twelve gauge sawed off. I got my headlights turned off. I'm 'bout to bust some shots off... '

Hey wait, this isn't satire! DevinCow Jacob? brill_leah We must stop this kind of atrocity on US soil! We must stop this kind of killing on US soil! We must stop this kind of murders on US soil! We must stop this domestic terrorism on US soil! We need Amendment 28, i.e. Freedom of Breath! [Poe's Law Intensifies]

I thought this was supposed to be satire The onion spittin fire today This isn’t even satire Where were the peaceful protests Your suppose to report fiction 😩 lawprofblawg The protests weren't peaceful. A man died last night and stores were looted from mid-day to midnight Surreal times. Also what the hell cosplay shit is that? Shoulder pads and all.

You guys are fucking killing it lately. where is the lie? writhing_south I love how this article is from 2017. Always applicable Omg yes Guys what happened i thought yall were the funny satire Sadly, the reality isn't funny. Agent provocateurs within police forces, etc. aren't that rare. So the burning of businesses is a police action rather than a populist protest. No wonder AR15 protests get a red carpet into legislatures.

onion just ain't missing lately What peaceful protest did this happen at yesterday? emojiheely I hate that this is a parody article that doesn't SEEM like a parody article. RELATED: Nationwide Law Enforcement Feels Overwhelmed With Burden to Continue Murdering Blacks While Also Preventing Anti-Law-Enforcement-Racism Riots

It's sad that the point of this article is that it isn't satire. What happened to satire? This is real. god it's so sad that this isn't even satire anymore 'Democracy' in America in 2020. Occupying army Good work. Where is the satire that’s not even wrong I imagine them putting their suits on and whispering ‘“I’m iron man”

Reminder that the arson was committed by an undercover cop LIBERATE MINNESOTA

LAPD Chief Issues YouTube Vid Supporting Peaceful Protests In George Floyd CaseA second night of protests has erupted in Los Angeles over the death of George Floyd, a Minneapolis African American man who died in a confrontation with police. The group, smaller than Wednesday&… Big difference between protests and riots. Protests should be allowed but not riots. There is also a difference between being a site that reports entertainment news and deadline that follows cnn orders.

PHOTOS: Protests Over George Floyd's Death Grow Violent: 'It Is How We Express Pain'Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz says he will defend the right to protest over George Floyd's death but urges peaceful demonstrations, saying, 'It is how we express pain, process tragedy, and create change.' Fire destruction innocent people assaulted innocent people's property damaged lives of innocent people destroyed Those are not protests. Those are riots.

Larry Kramer, playwright and AIDS activist, dies at 84NEW YORK (AP) — Larry Kramer, the playwright whose angry voice and pen raised theatergoers’ consciousness about AIDS and roused thousands to militant protests in the early years of the epidemic,... Omg. I am so, so sorry to hear that. We all owe him a debt of gratitude Was butt stuff banned back then to slow the spread of HIV/AIDS? How does your mind deceive you? ' Free yourself' your mind is obsessed with what other minds are thinking (mind reading). Your mind is horribly competitive and insecure, comparing you to the neighbors, co-workers, friends..

Larry Kramer, playwright and AIDS activist, dies at 84Larry Kramer, the playwright whose angry voice and pen raised theatergoers’ consciousness about AIDS and roused thousands to militant protests in the early years of the epidemic, has died He was a giant God bless him

Protesters stop LA freeway traffic, smash patrol car windowsHundreds of people protesting the death of a black man in police custody in Minneapolis blocked a Los Angeles freeway, damaging California Highway Patrol cars and possibly injuring a demonstrator. 'demonstrator' This didn’t happen in California so why are these people protesting. There goes your social distancing.

2nd night of violent protests over Minneapolis man's deathViolent protests over the death of a black man in police custody break out in Minneapolis for a second straight night, with protesters in a standoff with officers, who fired rubber bullets and tear gas, outside a police precinct and looting of stores. Burning down low income housing under construction in your community to own the police ruining your community. GeorgeFloyd shots fired and reports of a body