Park the Bulldozer, Land the Helicopter, Demolish the Scaffolding

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With new technology, it's easier than ever to track your child's schoolwork and social life. Here's why letting go of control might be better, even if—and perhaps particularly if—they struggle as a result.

decisions, there are fervent voices on both sides condemning the other side. There are no clear ways to prove or show that you are a good parent, no certainty, no badge, no single checklist. In this way, parents are like managers in a corporation, judged on the success of their teams, not on their own accomplishments. Neither parents nor managers have absolute control over the internal or external environment in which their teams operate but must use a variety of tools to help them succeed.

Teens have autonomy and independence and will soon be living on their own. Suppose they know how to engage in conflict productively and negotiate for desired outcomes? In that case, they'll be able to deal with loud neighbors, vague instructions, and dining hall meals that they don't like. It is easy to say that we don't want our children to experience the obstacles and difficulties that we encountered as teens and young adults.

 

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