Parents should be financially aligned when trying to empty their nest.

Parents often differ regarding how to spend money on their children, especially during early adulthood.

Leon and Barbara, in their mid-60s, no longer have children living at home. Both are widowed, and each of them has two adult children from their first marriages. Leon would like to retire and wants Barbara to retire, as well, so that they can travel and “enjoy life.” But Barbara is concerned about her youngest daughter, Ava, now 24, who has struggled with mental illness since adolescence and still remains dependent on her financially, so Barbara feels the need to continue working.

Henry and Eleanor are in their mid-70s and working on their will. Both have been married once before; Henry is widowed, and Eleanor is. Eleanor wants to divide their assets equally between their four children . Still, Henry is uncomfortable with this and feels it’s unfair because Eleanor’s parents left her three children with substantial trust funds that enabled them to put down payments on houses. At the same time, his daughter, 27, is single and has no other financial resources other than him.

Couples often have difficulty acknowledging their emotional experiences and sharing them with each other. Arguing about money, rather than addressing the feelings behind those arguments, is often easier, at least in the short run. For example, disagreements about how money should be spent on children might be a compelling distraction from deeper and more complicated feelings, such as the sadness and melancholy that one or both parents may be encountering as one or more of their children prepare to leave home. They have to begin looking ahead to the next chapter of their lives.” more than “emotional management.

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