Open-Ended New Bill Criminalizes Whatever Black People Up To Right Now

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WASHINGTON—Saying the measure would provide a substantial boon to police departments nationwide, members of the House Republican caucus introduced a bill Tuesday containing open-ended language that would criminalize whatever it is black people are up to right now. “This is a long-overdue piece of legislation that will help defend our country against the scourge of black people being in places and doing things,” said Rep. Steve King (R-IA) of H.R. 8164, which would penalize black Americans with a minimum of five years in prison and fines of up to $750,000 for any activity they happen to be engaged in whenever law enforcement arrives. “This measure seeks to bring an end to overly permissive laws that, by allowing black people to simply hang around and do different stuff at will, places an undue burden on the police officers who want to arrest them and throw them in jail. While I believe this bill represents a good first step, we of course also need to enact legislation that outlaws anything Hispanics and Muslims might be doing at the moment.” At press time, sources confirmed House GOP leaders had called Capitol Police to report several African American representatives engaged in the suspicious activity of voting against the bill.

 

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BolshevikPotato 👀 Uh, oh! What did we black people do wrong now?!

bradgallaway It's a sad day when an Onion tweet feels like reality. Fucking yikes.

I know this ist supposed to be Satire, but with trump trying to Outlaw antifascism, this might actually Happen...

Memo 618

atwiten How's that a 'new bill'? It's been on the books for centuries.

It’s called loitering

you_built The most racist thing I've seen all day.

Dumb

LMFAO WOOOWWWW Right on the money

So BWB is gonna be law soon (Breathing While Black)

Notice the steely eyes. The repubs are never idle. Thats why the dems lag behind I think..

Ahahahhahahaaa lollollol

this is a repeat but I still like it

Tigerbeard this photo is so on the nose... Rep King could actually say this IRL.

Bird Watching

The real world has become so ridiculous that Onion articles actually sound legit

“Who’s here - for what?!”

GreatDismal Steve King is an exact doppelganger for Hitler's Foreign Minister during the Turd Reich.

Is “Steve King” fictional?

Props for the choice of politicians pics to use

Jesus Christ that last line.

Civil war isn't civil

Onion afraid to take on media, fearful people will realize it’s all not a joke.

Get this clown off the keyboard

You don't need any new laws lmao. Theft and destruction of private property are already crimes and its definitely not just POC doing it you racist douches. What a sad, racially-divisive headline. I know its the Onion but its meant to be parody not racism.

Tone deaf. No wonder the Babylon Bee is eating your lunch.

and nytimes ... trading places.

GreatDismal You can't just copy paste Trump tweets and think you're doing work you know. Can I talk to your manager please...

atomly This guys gotta GO

GreatDismal rosieriveter13

I'm pretty sure that vandalism, arson, and looting are all already crimes, no matter the skin colour of the people doing them.

Its the only way to be safe

🤣💀

dam😜🤯🤣🤣😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Brunch now officially illegal after 4 random black people spotted enjoying it. TheOnion

Stop it, Onion. Everything we do is criminalized. There's no need to make a job about it.

and not a moment too soon!

Would be considered satire except, 'WHEN WHITE FOLKS GET SCARED, THEY MAKE LAWS!' ~ Fonzworth Bentley circa 2000-ish

TristanBlaze1 It's about time!

Some are just being born. Lock 'em up!

But I thought this was supposed to be satire.....

Needed

And Requires Everyone Else to be Pro-Fascist or Else.

Dude, that ain't even furking funny.

RELATED: Senate GOP Leader Mitch McConnell and GOP Senator Lindsey Graham Release Joint Statement in Response to Current Unrest 'None of this would be happening were it not for negroes. Imagine the endless peace & happiness our great nation would be experiencing without negroes'

onion gone downhill for a while, thanks for the status update

Right, like 95% of Antifa aren't white as the driven bread.

When the headline matches the picture

This is not helpful. Not parody. Pretty much-promoting HATE and FEAR.

Black people will only be criminalized if they don't vote for biden.

The Onion becoming real news more and more everyday.

Antifa thinks they're black now?

Real news. I expect better from my favorite fake news source.

This isn’t even satire anymore.

perfect image.

This summaries everything going on.

All this does is reinforce that only black people are out there stealing and burning the cities. I saw plenty of white people start being aggressive before anyone did that. They all just happened to be wearing blue

Grow a pair and go after Antifa.

u guys are meant to be a parody cmon now

waiting for THAT reply... any second now

this is why i turned on notifications for the onion

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