Normal grief and prolonged grief share many features, but differ in duration and intensity.

Prolonged grief has recently become a diagnosable psychological disorder, with effective treatments.As a nurse-midwife, birth and its unlikely twin, death, were familiar, renting the fabric between worlds, opposite ends of the spectrum. I’ve studied death, helped mothers and fathers accept death, experienced close, loving deaths. Healthy death, the bereaved recovering and healing.

Recently, my brother Steve, a psychologist, brought up grief. “People in America think grief is supposed to follow a pattern or else they’re doing it wrong, or it’s taking too long, or they’re stuck, not ‘moving on.’ Plus, they feel guilty if they laugh or feel happy when they think they’re ‘supposed’ to be grieving, or think it’s wrong to be angry at the person who died. They need to know they’re OK, all of it’s OK. But if they’re truly. There is no one path for grief, no “right” way.

The DSM states a person with prolonged grief must have distressing, intense, unremitting yearning for the person who died, and/or be very preoccupied by thoughts of the death, or the person, after at least a year. Three of the following are also required:Avoidance of reminders that the person is dead

Difficulty reintegrating into one’s relationships and activities after the death andThis last piece is crucial. If a person is functioning at work, school, with family and friends, they are progressing in their own way and pace through grief. Every symptom of prolonged grief is part of healthy grieving, but not if it is unremitting and extreme after a year. If so, it could actually be dangerous. People with prolonged grief have higher rates of; and a decreased quality of life. They are not OK.

If you or someone you love may have prolonged grief, take a single step and reach out. Everyone in your life misses you and wants you back. I guarantee it. To find support near you, visit theis an adjunct professor at OHSU and has served as a leader on the Boards of Nurse Practitioners of Oregon, the Oregon Wellness Program, the Oregon Nurses Association, The Jewish Federation of Greater Portland, and many others.

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