“The assumption that childless women should go through a period of anguish over the decision is a “feeling rule” that enforces the notion that childlessness is universally undesirable and that motherhood is so natural as to lie beyond the realm of critical thought.”
In her review of the research, Chrastil found that the women who describe themselves as involuntarily childless were more likely to express regret than those who said that they had chosen not to have kids. But that only happened when they were asked specifically about their regrets about not having kids.
Well, no. The decision not to have kids is the only one we question. We don’t worry so much about the possibility of regretting having kids. Happiness doesn’t work that way. Even when we are faced with true and deep disappointments , we are better at dealing with them than we anticipate. In our everyday lives, it is typically our current joys that matter most. They include ordinary experiences, such as basking in the presence of good friends, savoring our solitude, or looking forward to our plans for the weekend.
What about confirmation bias? Would that apply here? Women have a small window to make those choices and once the window closes, many choose acceptance. I've had clients whisper their regret, even when they tell others they have none.
At least for me....
When I ask my friends with children, or had children, if I made the right decision, they usually say...'OH HELL YES!!!!!'.... no kidding.... who has the regret? It is not selfish to not have children... it can be a choice. and it is actually a good thing it worked out that way.
If anyone is interested in the technique, I invite you to learn more about it on my blog: My Ebook of my 10 years of research teaches the technique: As does my paperback-
I decided at 16... it can be a fear... or it can be a choice...seeing how 'families can be....', I made my decision... if you regret it... you can do my emotional technique on the Regret...it will VANISH....
It's easy to advise people to not have kids because people grow old never *really* knowing if it was the right decision or not. I suspect more people would be sure they want children if they felt more secure in their relationships
You have to be older to fully appreciate how much is given up. There will always be a huge part of life that you are not fully a part of (and often left out of entirely). No kids also means no grandkids AND no one to bury you.
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