The Ranch Thinks New Yorkers Can’t Handle the Ranch

Photo: Courtesy of The Ranch New Yorkers who have been longing for less sleep and minor food deprivation will have their prayers answered with the announcement that the luxury boot camp Ranch Malibu is opening a new location in the Hudson Valley, marking one more step in upstate New York’s descent into resortland.

At the original Ranch location, guests are infamously given the non-option of waking up at 5:30 a.m. and made to go on a four-hour hike on which they are offered six almonds. Hollywood celebrities and harried executives pay $8,900 for a weekly stay and the honor of having their free will taken away from them.

The standard week-long stay will be offered at the Ranch Hudson Valley, but Bloomberg reports that the new location, opening next summer, will also have shorter programs with a less rigorous curriculum — a three-day stay that starts at 7 a.m. with a two-hour hike. In addition to massages, the resort will offer chiropractic services and acupuncture.

The Hudson Valley has seen an influx of luxury hotels and retreats catering to rich Manhattanites in recent years. Rooms at places like the Maker Hotel, Chatwal Lodge, and Inness can run anywhere from $300 to $1,750 per night. The Ranch didn’t specify its prices but told Bloomberg that they would be comparable to the Malibu location, putting it on the higher end of the spectrum.

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