Nation’s Little Piggies Demand A Sweet Treat

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WASHINGTON—Smacking their plump lips in anticipation as they squealed for piles upon piles of sugary delights, the nation’s little piggies took to the streets of the nation’s capital Tuesday to demand their sweet treats. “Oh, please, please, please! Our tummies need their yummies, and they need them now!” piped thousands of wee squeakers, rubbing their plump bellies and wiggling their chubby, sticky little fingers as they gurgled plaintively for something glazed in icing or heaped with frosting. “Give us a yum yum? We’ve been so very good! And now we want gumdrops, lollipops, jelly beans, trifles, and lashings and lashings of luscious chocolates! We promise if you just give us one little custard, we’ll be ever so good! We shan’t ask for another ever, ever again! Oh, pretty please!” At press time, the dear little roly-poly dumplings had disappeared into a fog of confectioners sugar as they fell greedily upon the tray of Turkish delight provided to silence them.

 

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st_vincent I have no clue how twitter works. 1540394071 That’s a real number.

st_vincent Dm me please

st_vincent quid pro quo

It is just restitution for the injustices that had be done to the little piggies! Piggies Lives Matter! PLM 🐽

Typical Mainstream Media Bias. The government has a secret Twinkie stash!!! Wake up 🐑

“Lashings of chocolate?” Huh?

Disappointed. First thought was nation's toes wanted to be sucked by the man in the picture. Then I read the article.

TimJDillon benaveryisgood judging by this headline someone at the onion listens to the show.

i suspect afterwards they went 'wee wee wee' all the way home

The article was horrifying.

Caralho é o Paulo Kogos velho

I'm not going to read an article that's only 3.5 years old- I like my news like I like my eggs.

The descriptive language in this one is just excellent 👌

dear god

This is the worst article of all time so I hope people read it.

Just a little sumthin' sumthin' to make daddy happy, ya know?

.jpodhoretz this is for you

what the fuck

Yeah, my mind went right to “Deliverance”.

Possible explainer:

jrhennessy

That piggie... I just want to eat it so bad..

cobriennn us

What?

How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?

Did Felix write this?

what does this even mean

GreatDonovan MikeSirois this guy looks familiar

Genuinely not sure what you're getting at here.

I Demand!

.

Same

elonmusk I got sunshine in a bag. I'm useless lol

this tweet makes me nervous, and i don wanna know

Aww :/

Me af

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