I have lived in Boston since 2006. I moved from New York and gave up my job of 16 years because we got married and I relocated, leaving my two adult children, who were 21 and 24. I divorced my first husband in 1998 and met my spouse in 2000. My husband, who is 70, will be retired four years in October. He spent most of his career in the U.S. Army Reserve, where he spent 24 years.
He always uses his credit card or bank card to buy things. I barely see him take money out of his wallet, and he never leaves his wallet on the table. He also has a post-office box, which he said his sister gave to him. All important papers are out of my sight, but there are a bunch here in the house, kept in his closet in plastic bags tied in a knot. I have never seen anything like this.
Massachusetts is a separate property state. Anything your husband owned prior to this marriage, which includes the house you live in and separate bank and savings accounts, belongs to him. Separate property also includes inheritance you or your husband may receive during your marriage. If you fell down a manhole tomorrow and broke your leg, and you were awarded $100,000 in a lawsuit, that too would belong to you and you alone.
You have come to accept your low status in this relationship. I don’t see any consideration, trust and respect — just some of the hallmarks of a loving relationship. Financial abuse is a form of domestic violence. That may sound alarmist, but not all scars are visible, many are psychological and have the same insidious effect: to control and subdue another person. You need a plan and a support network. You can’t see the bars on your window. You can walk through them, if you want to.
I am always cautious of the blanket statement, “I love him, but...” Sometimes, we need to question our definition of love, independent of our financial and even our emotional needs. Love is not conditional, and the status quo in your marriage should not depend on your not asking questions about money, or on anything that might threaten or rattle the way you both choose to live your lives. That includes your submission to his wishes and your husband’s finely oiled marriage machine.
If your husband wanted a housekeeper instead of a wife, he could still hire a housekeeper to cook and clean and shop for his groceries. He is one of the few Americans who could probably afford a live-in housekeeper, if he really wanted one: The annual salary of a live-in housekeeper starts at around $45,000 per year, according to some estimates. That way, he can cancel his post-office box and have all of his investment-account mail delivered to his home.
Wow lol
Wonder what he does for 8000 a month?
Stop cleaning.
Why aren't you working and make your money too ?
I need to hear the husband's side of the story
Financial abuse and neglect occurs frequently w/men who marry a foreign wife. Base on this assumption, seek help from legal aid in your state on filing complaint for economic/financial abuse/nglt.
Good advice
He loves you.
And who pays for stuff?
You want money? You want happiness? You want love ? All ?
not a single word of this is to believed until you hear from the husband.
Sell his shit while he is at work
There’s women shelters all over each state. Please google them immediately and head there now
Time for a New Husband, maybe? $150.00?, Really?
Call the police?
Get rid of him!!!
Even though he makes money you are completely independent. Cook for yourself and wash your own clothes. Split the bills in two, don’t pay them all. Let him hire a help for himself. Tell him your tired. $150 for one month is not worth it. A help is $150 a day for cook and clean.
150$ for cooking & cleaning. Give me your number.
Excellent
Probably saving for a boat
sofiaguapura97
Sounds like you need a job
He does nothing and makes 8k a month.....you better keep cooking and cleaning.......
This Moneyist guy should retire. Who is with me?
He’s a Crap.
That's why I won't ever remarry again. No one can blame me for being a materialist at all. I'm obliged to fight for my conscientiously earned yet unpaid salary for 34 mo & 1 week today!
$8000 and he does nothing all day!!! Sign me up please!
Bawahahah.
I bet they have different shelves in the refrigerator. 😂 ...
He votes Republican.
Your husband is working by watching TV all day. He might be a Trader. Go out and work!
Edith it is about time you leave Archie ! Way overdue !
Nobody cares
Abusive man
Was she assigned this husband? I’m not following.
Lol.
I wonder if he knows something about her that we don’t.
Who pay all the bills. Let him cook and clean and you can pay all the bills
Ah stop complaining. There’s always a worsening situation out there. Be humble and clean cleaner
Threaten divorce if he doesn’t change. File papers if he still doesn’t change.
Ouch
I really wish would post stuff that’s related to the markets rather than this junk. I’m finding it harder and harder to take their existence seriously.
smart man. ha ha
She has to be the smartest dumbest investigator of finances ever!? 💁🏾♂️😅 ComeOnMan
Someone call the Whambulance 😥😢😥😭🚑
Divorce him and get half.
Did he cook and clean when you married him?
i don’t think you had the right adult conversations b4 marriage, imo. Go see an excellent divorce attorney, 🤷🏿♂️
Find new husband. You knew that he wasn't worth a damn before you married him.
Hes probably putting a price on your ass with that $150.
Nothing but trouble
Wow, this story was very hard to read. So many people are in financial abusive relationships, thanks Quantanamo and for your firm and directly help for this woman. Here's hoping that she can get out of this relationship and move on.
Why are you writing for advise. Don’t look for sympathy. Look for a lawyer. You can’t be this lonely. getoverit
Live your life King
This is a great read
This hit home except I gave birth to our 3 girls and married for over 30yrs. I kept finances in Qbooks, did the shopping until he took over, bought 2 safes, safety deposit box, and opened separate checking. No infidelity that I know of, just insecurity, selfishness, and abuse.
Good advise for this person
SwanFinances Based
Sad
That's not a husband, that's a controlling SOB.
See a lawyer on the QT, ASAP.
What are you doing with such a stingy man ?
I thought those type of marriages only existed in the 1960's!
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As a single dad, I can relate to the cleaning part. I go to work, clean, and do everything at my place for my son's and me. This guy should be thankful he has a partner that helps him out.
P.I.M.P.
Terrible
Sooo
So many women can Relate, you are the Backbone
Damn
Hero
Why is MarketWatch spamming these stories?
Maybe you're not married, you're the maid.
You married him, let’s start there .... lol
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