My Heart Condition Gave Me Access To The Vaccine. Why Did I Feel So Guilty?

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It's important to remind ourselves and others that refusing a vaccine if you qualify isn't going to magically fix this broken system.

by January 28. About two weeks later, my quick dismissal of my mom's vaccine-uneasiness just a distant memory, I found myself experiencing nearly identical feelings of guilt when I found out I was eligible for the vaccine in New York — far sooner than I'd anticipated.

I was born with a congenital heart defect called pulmonary valve stenosis. The valve between my heart's right ventricle and pulmonary artery had not developed correctly in the womb, and, as a result, blood flow between the two was obstructed. I had a series of open-heart surgeries as a two-day-old, one-month-old, and two-year-old, none of which completely fixed the problem.

I confided my concerns to a few people, and just like I did with my mom, they acted swiftly to assuage my guilt about receiving my jab and encouraged me to sign up for an appointment as soon as possible. The rational side of my brain took over, and I made the decision to book something, but the guilt persisted — and actually got worse.

Navigating through the hoops of booking a vaccine appointment was a stressful nightmare. I had to dig through Reddit message boards to find tips about when and where new appointments were posted and vigilantly refresh various websites hoping that I'd be lucky enough to jump on an open spot before it was booked by one of the many others who were doing the exact same thing.

The pandemic has not affected all Americans equally, exposing even more clearly the huge inequities that exist in this country, and

 

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