I’m in a newly open relationship. My partner came into this with some bad habits around mildly pushing my boundaries in ways that can be a breach of trust. In the most egregious cases, he did things like unexpectedly bringing one of his other partners along on our date or signing me up for a threesome without first finding out if I was down, leaving me in a super awkward position.
Your request to be given a heads-up with lead time is reasonable because it is what you feel you need. We aren’t in the realm of objective facts here—every open relationship forms as it goes. It’s a continual process of checking in with yourself and each other. It breaks my heart that you’re questioning yourself so ardently. Your needs aren’t the problem here; your partner’s refusal to honor them is.
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