Mom Guesses Dressbarn Closure Means She’ll Just Have To Go Shop With All The Sluts Over At Chico’s Now

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HAMMOND, IN—Saying Dressbarn’s sudden closure had left her bereft of stylish-yet-modest clothing options, local mom Susan Bell reportedly guessed Tuesday that she’ll just have to go shop with all those sluts over at Chico’s now. “I hope I don’t catch the clap rubbing elbows with all those Chico’s tramps while I’m trying to buy a flowy maxi dress or thigh-length cardigan,” said Bell, looking aghast as she scanned the Chico’s website for flattering blouses that wouldn’t “leave my tits popping out all over the place.” “Tank tops, leopard-print ponchos, high-waisted palazzo pants; what am I, some red-mouthed whore? That floozy Kathleen Meyer and her wino friends all shop at Chico’s, and they’re always whoring up the Rotary Club meetings. I can’t let anyone see me shopping there or they’ll think I’m one of those tarts.” At press time, Bell had returned from Talbots empty handed, announcing she wasn’t about to spend $200 to dress like grandma.

 

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I’m dying here!

With a name like Dressbarn, I'm surprised they lasted as long as they did.

Cheryl would never.

Karen?

Damn, maybe try it sometime

Sheri? Is that you?

Thanks!

Lol

Hahaha

vornietom what does your mom have against the sluts at Chico's?

mandapratt31

don’t drag me like this again or my lawyers will be in touch

beeslys

I know I felt the same way when they closed Chess King.

So Chico’s is where I can find all the slurs! Thanks for the tip Onion!

She could always shop the 'high-fashion' aisle at Walmart. 😳

Hahaha Gail

why did i think this was you RagingInfection i’m sorrya

Best read as Leslie Mann in This Is 40.

Cindy dropping fire 🔥 quotes ... rRyanDavis

It's OK bc a lot of people hit HRs at Chico's.

Sluts of a certain age 😂😂😂

yikes

Sluts? I'm there. 'Hey, howyooodoinn...?'

Summersday365

Lol

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