Mom Gathers Rolls Of Wrapping Paper Around Her To Stroke Softly

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 18 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 10%
  • Publisher: 51%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

‘Not Much Longer, My Pets’

OAKWOOD, OH—Tenderly cooing as she basked in the comforting sight of snowman, Santa, and Christmas tree patterns, local mother Melissa Weaver surrounded herself with a dozen rolls of wrapping paper to softly stroke, sources confirmed Friday.

“Yes, my darlings, the time is near,” said Weaver, gently running her fingers through strands of red, green, and silver ribbon. “It won’t be long now. Patience, little ones, patience.” Weaver then reportedly gave a light kiss to one of her large fabric bows before returning her supplies to the closet and quietly shutting the door.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

MonicaLewinsky rhondakrupps

I see u got that double sided wrapping paper there

MonicaLewinsky And also, could they have picked a better colour top? She looks like she's stroking the wrapping paper whilst topless.

Don't be silly, she was wielding them like bo staffs and pretending to fight invisible Jedi like Darth Maul. Get better reporters!

MonicaLewinsky I showed this to my wife and she called me a jackass. Then she threw some bows and an empty roll of scotch tape at me.

If mom is alone, I could stop by with a bottle of wine and we could find things to stroke together.

I really hope the kids aren't in the bathtub.

That's how you should treat a stroke..

That poor paper. It'll never see it coming.

It’s delicious too

Santa Wrapping Paper: 'What are you doing with those scissors? Wait! Please!! I have children, they are only small gift bags now, but I want to see them grow!!'

No wonder my wife locks the door when wrapping gifts

Hey! I do that too! Small world!

Just as long as she doesn't open a file cabinet and start petting the files.

Mom needs a D in her P (if you know what I mean)

At least you love me Christmas

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Mom whose baby was ripped from her arms by officers to get $625K settlementThe woman's child, who was still breastfeeding at the time, was 'brutally wrenched from his mother’s arms,' a lawsuit claims. Why? Great victim story. Good job propagating the victim culture👍🏿 CuomoCorruption How much does her legal team get?
Source: NBCNews - 🏆 10. / 86 Read more »

Police searching for missing Austin mom, 2-week-old daughterPolice are searching for a Texas mother and her 2-week-old daughter who have been missing since last week. Prayers are with Heidi Broussard and her infant daughter, Margot Carey.
Source: ABC - 🏆 471. / 51 Read more »

Taking time for yourself is important as a mom— so I bought a nap'I glided out of the room feeling a little bit closer to Gwyneth Paltrow. For the first time maybe ever, I began to think about self-care without dripping sarcasm...'
Source: Todaysparent - 🏆 313. / 61 Read more »

Kourtney Kardashian's Most Unforgettable Mom MomentsWe're celebrating Kourtney Kardashian's journey as a mom, from her hands-on delivery of her firstborn son Mason--who's turning 10 today--to posing nude while pregnant with her third child, Reign For me, the moment Kourtney pulled off Mason from her vagina during labor is the most unforgettable.. She’s the best of the Kardashian clan kourtneykardash
Source: enews - 🏆 466. / 52 Read more »

J.Lo and Her Mom Just Broke It Down in a Dance Video Celebrating Her 74th BirthdayJennifer Lopez shared a video of her mom, Guadalupe, dancing on stage for her 74th birthday. J.Lo credits her mom for her energy, drive, and dance moves.
Source: PreventionMag - 🏆 141. / 63 Read more »

J.Lo And Her Mom Just Broke It Down In A Dance Video Celebrating Her 74th Birthday'People ask me where I get my energy from, my drive, my dance moves...'
Source: marieclaire - 🏆 102. / 63 Read more »