Miss Manners: My gag gift landed flat

While my best friend and her partner do not believe in traditional marriage, they went to city hall following the birth of their child to ensure the family enjoyed the associated legal protections and privileges. There was no celebration, no announcements, and she told me directly that they did not want any gifts, although she did send me a photo from the day.

We thought to have a little fun, and purchased a hideous trinket from a thrift store. During the visit, I produced the gift with a smile and the explanation that every newlywed couple receives something that is not to their taste, and I didn’t see why they should have to miss out. It was my intention that we’d have a laugh and that the item would go back to the thrift store afterward.

The gift was put aside. On their last day, I unwrapped it and brought it to her to assure her it really was just a gag. I apologized that it didn’t land well. She remained steadfast in her offense in the moment, but I’m pleased to say there was no long-term impact on the friendship.Announcing a “no-gift policy” in the first place is impolite, in that it reminds guests that gifts are usual. Many people believe that it means the opposite, or is a demand for cash instead.

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