Head Topics

Marathon Runner Collapses A Little Too Early To Be Compassionately Helped Across Finish Line

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 20 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 11%
  • Publisher: 51%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

RALEIGH, NC—Calling the circumstances “a real shame,” sources confirmed Friday that local marathon runner Mark Weber collapsed a little too early to be compassionately helped across the finish line. “I’d be happy to help if, say, he’d collapsed 200 yards from the finish line, but come on, three miles in?” said fellow marathoner Zoe Young, who was just one of hundreds of passing runners who responded to the fallen athlete by casting him a long, sideways glance before continuing to jog along. “That’s not exactly inspirational, is it? Plus, it’s going to look really bad on me if I start helping then have to lay him back on the ground a mile later. And why did he shit his pants? There are Porta Potties everywhere.” At press time, spectators were wondering whether they were supposed to clap after Weber stumbled back to his feet then immediately sat back down. \n

RALEIGH, NC—Calling the circumstances “a real shame,” sources confirmed Friday that local marathon runner

Mark Weber collapsed a little too early to be compassionately helped across the finish line. “I’d be happy to helpsay, he’d collapsed 200 yards from the finish line, but come on, three miles in?” said fellow marathoner Zoe Young, who was just one of hundreds of passing runners who responded to the fallen athlete by casting him a long, sideways glance before continuing to jog along.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

Timing is everything. Location x3

mattdolloff Probably Covid

The best

DivineRickee Good that help was close. My inner sence would been like, dont go there..marathon over 40k or what.. n if warm huh n huh.

Sad

If you were just another 200ft there kiddo we could have taken you the rest of the way!

Thank god Athens didn't need this guy.

But apparently just in time to be mugged

Pussy

Can we at least compassionately get him the hell out of the way?

Sucks to suck

Great North Run is a half marathon

Looks likes Alex jones brother having a deep thought about something beyond our comprehension.

Wimp

Security holding him down until the runner he put money on crosses the finish line.

😂it's a delicate balance, lol

HAHAHAHAHAHH

Too bad.

is this mark suckerberg

Still it could be worse he could have his picture spread all over Twitter so that the whole World can see he failed . . . . . . . . That would be terrible.

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Bachelor Peter Weber Responds to Kelley Flanagan Calling Him Out Over Their BreakupAwk times! Get the stylish look with these must have dresses printedsalwarkameez indiansalwarkameez
Source: Cosmopolitan - 🏆 725. / 51 Read more »

Peter Weber Just Responded to Rumors He’ll Be the Bachelor Again After His Breakup With KelleyTell us what we’ve done to deserve the recent events unfolding across BachelorNation 🙄🌹
Source: StyleCaster - 🏆 104. / 63 Read more »

Peter Weber Says 'Bachelor' Producers Signal When It's a 'Good Time to Kiss' ContestantsI'm sorry, WHAT?!
Source: Cosmopolitan - 🏆 725. / 51 Read more »

Peter Weber Responds to Kelley Flanagan's Confessions About Their Breakup - E! OnlineIn an interview with E! News, Peter Weber addressed Kelley Flanagan's previous comments about what led to their split. He also revealed if he's reached out to her since they both moved to NYC. In other news. I had a BBQ chicken sandwich with BBQ lays chips and a Dr pepper. Pilot Pete is only looking for a good time. Go to Hanna
Source: enews - 🏆 466. / 52 Read more »

Peter Weber Addresses Rumors He's Returning as The Bachelor - E! OnlineAfter splitting with Kelley Flanagan, is Peter Weber ready for another shot at love on The Bachelor? Find out what he just told E! News about the franchise and his new TaskRabbit partnership.\r\n jena_rem NOT AGAIN Please no. Anyone but Jesus Christ, No.
Source: enews - 🏆 466. / 52 Read more »

Yikes, Kelley Flanagan Just Called Out Peter Weber for Hanging with 'a Good Family Friend' on InstagramSaid friend may or may not be Victoria Justice? 🤔
Source: Cosmopolitan - 🏆 725. / 51 Read more »