Man With Obnoxious Voice Has Been Violently Killed Thousands Of Times In Imaginations Of Others

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KALAMAZOO, MI—During a routine visit to a neighborhood coffee shop, local man Dan Billings was reportedly violently killed Friday for the thousandth time in the imagination of anyone within earshot of his completely obnoxious natural voice. According to several bystanders who pleaded guilty to stabbing, bludgeoning, drowning, and disemboweling the 32-year-old personal assistant in their minds as he ordered a large coffee and old-fashioned donut, Billings’ skin-crawling timbre and cadence has made him the victim of scores of homicides by hundreds upon hundreds of people who have had the misfortune of hearing him speak. Sources confirmed in the 30 infuriating seconds Billings spent making small talk with the barista, they unanimously considered any amount of jail time would be worth it to make good on their desires to grab a nearby bottle and smash it over his head repeatedly until that aggravating sound stopped blaring from his equally aggravating face. At press time, an employee of the café had mentally ripped out Billings’ vocal cords and strangled him to death as he politely asked for a napkin.\n

KALAMAZOO, MI—During a routine visit to a neighborhood coffee shop, local man Dan Billings was reportedly violently killed Friday for the thousandth time in the imagination of anyone within earshot of his completely obnoxious natural voice.

ut, Billings’ skin-crawling timbre and cadence has made him the victim of scores of homicides by hundreds upon hundreds of people who have had the misfortune of hearing him speak.

 

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aka neelix from the voyager

'... See the vaccine IS the mark of the beast cause It literally changes DNA. That's why they put up 5G towers. G=germs so it spreads the virus... '

HAHAHAHAHA yall never miss

I feel personally attacked

JudgeJeanine

😂😂

A young Gilbert Gottfried or Bobcat Goldthwait?

Hahaha

This one is hilarious!

POTUS This is you lol

He’s actually a really nice guy he just has a horrible voice

Yeah but they’re still listening!

Fipsi15 :(

Hey, I know that guy, wait let me look in the mirror

I'm in a meeting and trying not to laugh

Oh, Onion, what would we do without you?

prodmols

This image selection is absolutely killing me 😂😂😂😂😂

His favourite phrase is 'well actually'.

Come on, Onion. Knock it off. You know damn well that if it was really a man, that “annoying voice” bullshit would never fly.

That's not Ben.

He’s the worst

absolutely nailed this pic

I am in this tweet and don’t like it

Good

Banger tweet

RIP

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