Man Who’s Been In A Bunch Of Buildings Figures He’d Be A Pretty Good Architect

📆 5/14/2019 5:47 PM
📰 TheOnion

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CEDAR RAPIDS, IA—Claiming he has “taken a good, long look” at houses, hospitals, churches, and other structures intended for human use or habitation, retail associate Arnold Drucker, 32, said Tuesday that since he has been in or near a great number of buildings, he assumes he would be a pretty good architect. “I mean, I’ve been in tons of buildings and I really paid attention, so I’d be starting with a pretty good leg up, especially considering the number of doors and stairs and whole rooms I’ve used. I’ve almost been in more rooms than I can count,” said Drucker, who concluded that his long history of entering, occupying, and exiting buildings has provided him with sufficient knowledge to begin designing floors, walls, or ceilings. “Now, a movie theater is different because it has lots of seats, and a library’s got to have a bunch of shelves. Museums and sports arenas are trickier, but I could probably just specialize in what I know, which is regular houses and stores. Off the bat, though, every building needs to have a bathroom, ceilings that are taller than a person, and at least one place to put pieces of furniture for sitting. Man, imagine if I sat down and really worked on this.” Drucker has since pledged to further apply himself to his studies upon realizing he has never been inside of a factory, a greenhouse, or a school.

Write Comment

this really set up the next joke seamlessly

He's failed at the first step. You need to be outside the building looking at it while nodding in knowing ways.

ahurl17 is this not smith in fact and apperance

He is now examining a classified secure facility.

This guy is no Art Vandelay. “I don’t see architecture coming from *you.*

'I think I want to be a Realtor. I love houses.'

Should be a doctor, or surgeon.

meaghanmac12

I can relate to this. I've been using scissors since kindergarten therefore I can cut hair. 😂

Maybe sudo_lindenberg

Man Who's Read A Bunch Of Onion Headlines Figures He'd Be Like Real Good At Writing One Himself So Suck On That You Schmucks

Yeah, I could do that.

pablohidalgo Shit this guy’s been through a door. He’s going to put me out of business..

Even the fact he doesn't know that buildings don't come in bunches shows how bad he would be at the job.

He also likes to build stuff on The Sims

That’s not Ben Carson!!

Heidiroseb Man who has seen Presidents on TV thinks he could do the job.

Submits bid on a leaning building in SF!

AH! The Trumpian approach to architecture! I think I’ll just stay outside....

Man who's been eating a bunch of food thinks he'd be a pretty good chef

Does he...know the difference...between architecture...and real estate...? I think he meant he'd make a good Interior Decorator

sound logic tho

Woman Who Can See Russia From Her House Figures She’d Be Pretty Good At Foreign Policy

evahagberg 😂🤣😂🤣

Architect? Sure. Engineer? Definitely not.

is really laying into neck beards this issue.

Haaaave you met Ted

Another waste of space.

Needs more orange

...and because he stayed at Holiday Inn Express.

spare_ohs

Leave lazygamereviews alone!!!

You find the perfect image to each headline. But we both knew that.

Are these guys writing bad jokes as a goof?

A square and some circles.

I know him. He's related to the guy who thinks he knows more than our computer technicians because he's used Microsoft Word since 1998.

Art Vandelay?

How many airplanes has he been in?

I've been to a lot of funerals lately 🤔

Same with me and lawyering after watching Law and Order

Just me cowards.

“Doors, walls, windows, every buildings the same really.”

With that stripey shirt, you'd figure he'd be a good candidate for the Russian Navy.

Ah the days when Old Spice commercials were funny. TuesdayThoughts TuesdayFeeling Resist

thethirst_5

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