FALCON, CO—Rueing his earlier hubris but knowing that the only course he had left was to press forward to the next aisle of the supermarket, local man Tim McClendon told reporters Friday that he had come too far to turn back for a grocery basket now.
Why, oh why did I think I could forgo a basket when even an entire cart would not be unreasonable to carry all of the items I’m now doomed to balance precariously in nothing but my own two hands? How could I have fooled myself into thinking that I was only here for a few things, to ignore what I know about sizes and weight, to forget my own weakness for grabbing chips and then salsa despite knowing that I cannot carry them without risking catastrophe, to turn up my nose at this establishment’s...
Don’t expect the cashiers to give you a bag, asdepicted in this sketch from the show Portlandia:
Hey
Every time....
Great way to limit your spending
What I call unplanned shopping
Hahahahaha hahahahaha this is priceless!
Real men don't use grocery baskets.
atellota
Next week: 'Man Takes Basket But Only For One or Two Items'
Literally me after work tonight
It me
I'm in this title and I don't like it
KewtieBird seem familiar?
Me when I don't want to spend too much
When I go to TJMaxx or Marshalls for a new pair of socks or a candle I first get a whole shopping cart.
I’ve gotten really, really good now. I mostly always remember to take a basket. Shopping lists? Not so much.
Image of DanCrenshawTX cradling fascist ideologies
happens to me all the time, lol.
Every time. 🤷♀️
The rebels have all been there. We're the ones in elementary school that looked at the 'plan ahead' picture and said to ourselves 'Fuck the Establishment!'
whenever I go to Target
I feel personally attacked and I deserve it.
Been there, done that.
My God you're the only one who knows me
Everytime.
Been there. Done that. More than once.
It’s easier if you wear cargo pants.
There’s a bag of ice between his legs.
I'm glad he's making healthy choices though
Always flag a store employee, ask for help, offer a tip...then after check out run like hell with your stuff. Learned that in Government Civics 101/2019.
Commonly known as Barebacked Foraging
This was literally me today
me yesterday
This is how I grocery shop ngl🤣
Literally me yesterday. How are ya'll so freaking in tune with the human condition?
Can relate
ALDI.
We’ve all been there bro you got this
JoelHino3 this is too perfect!
I actually wish they had empty carts at the back of the store as well.
Me regretting my decision:
It’s all fun and games till you drop a can of tomato sauce on your foot 🥫 cuz the only thing that will inevitably drop is the heaviest thing 😂
this is 50% of my grocery trips
Tag me before you drag me
That’s me. I‘m him. Or he‘s me. Whatever.
Literally me 😭
Invasion of my privacy
Tipped over the edge by the unplanned purchase of a middle aisle aldi special.
I too do this. Then I get asked if I would like a cart/basket to hold my things. My response: “Thanks, but this is how I budget .”
That’s me
Story of my life, Every damn time.🤦🏿♂️
Me!
Us in Marshall’s
This tweet is attacking me.
My life, when I was single
Been there Done that 😂
These opportunists need atone for their choices in solitude, rather than foist such tribulation upon me!!! Any time I make a strategic excursion from my cart at WalMart, these very cartless wretches purloin my cart away, never to be seen again.
Me every time in target.
😂 I’ve done that too many times to count 🤦🏻♂️
I don't get it.
I did this yesterday. Was punished by a terribly long, slow line. I was forced to repeatedly revisit the poor decisions which led me to a torturous purgatory of discomfort.
That was me, yesterday, at Aldi's. Friend saw me and offered to loan me the quarter to get a cart. Naw, I only have a couple more things to balance on top...
This tweet’s subtitle is “the Stephen Stone story”
'I don't need a whole ass cart, I'm only getting a few things, I'll just get a basket' (Gets a gallon of milk and a 12 pack and beaks arm)
That’s me
I feel personally attacked.
Most accurate onion article ever
I felt this
I mean.... we are at a 75 patron maximum under lockdown in the grocery store, but there’s STILLLL no baskets anywhere to be found? kroger Albertsons
We’ve all been there
They all say the same thing: 'I only came in here for (fill in the blank).'
I feel personally attacked. Where did you get this photo of me?
That is definitely me
That's just how you keep from overspending
Always 😂
Here take my
Story of my life.
😂 Spell_Sword_
Oh the Horror!
This literally happened to me once
This is me every time 🤣
I was behind him in a Q yesterday. Would you like a bag? No I'm fine. Then he dropped everything. Knocked things off the counter too and walked on them as he picked up his own things.
janemarielynch Every Single quick trip for milk🤷♀️🤣
nolankr
FACTS
I feel heard
I don't care if I'm near the entrance still i won't show security my signs of weakness. I'll also just grab a massive pack of toilet rolls too to show em I know better
No Chips ?
Omg this was me yesterday 😂
Emphasis on “man.” The premise wouldn’t make sense if it had been “woman.”
Unemployment claims just hit their highest level in months, WTF are you people doing to help the American people long term? The stimulus bill has been on the moscow Mitch's desk for months! People need aid NOW! 570 billionaires in our country that can help, make it happen!
Stop stalking me, The Onion...
I’ve been there many times myself!
janemarielynch MeganDawn17 literally tho
I thought The Onion is supposed to be satire. This is too real.
Or a .10$ bag
Been there. Done that. Dropped everything. Felt shame.
🤣 me.
Me. Every damn time. 😂
Every time I go the grocery store
Me at AldiUSA
I feel personally attacked
Too close to home
When you go for a bag of chips while high
so relatable lol
🤣👍
Stop following me, The Onion. Please.
Ohhh I've been there
Me for sure, not paying 10 cents for a bag
THAT'S NOT FUNNY! What's next, asking for directions? ==== The real reason men don't ask for directions is that the answer is *always* 'right there.', 'One more block on the left.', or 'you passed it 20 minutes ago.'
This is the most truthful article of all time
Mom, I'm in the news!
Everytime 🙄
I feel personally attacked. Reported.
Ugh, thats me. 😑
This is OK Computer-level of perfection of the Onion artform
lol, that is me at least once a week...
Follow up article: Man Proves He Can Carry $400 In Groceries In 3 Bags”
LEBassett Add a mask, and that’s totally me 😂
Get out of my purse!!
Where's his mask, Onion?
everytime. 😂
Carry it back to the car like a real man! Yiu started it, you ought to finish it.
The shame and dishonor of returning for a basket or a cart is inconceivable. I would add a bag of dog food on my shoulders so they know I'm not playing.
Called out
We’ve all been that guy.
kasracritical 😂
Can relate
don't call me out like this
feel seen
This is me, 100%
Maskless.😱😃
We’ve all been there.
Been there.
Natikita
Not to mention you'll need a few extra jars to throw at security as they chase you to the getaway car.
This is me. I once dropped an entire tray of mac n cheese on the floor of the costco because of my hubris.
Been there. More than once.
Omg I thought I was the only one
Yeah, he has enough to carry without the added burden of a basket.
drewmagary This is when you start looking around for an abandoned cart
This isnt satire
Been there!
I'm in this picture and I don't like it
nerf or nothing
Except me at the liquor store 🍺
This is me
Is this hasanthehun
It is a reverse game of Jenga. And I have played it way too many times.
C’est moi.
NEVER go back! You can balance 3 jars of spaghetti sauce, 2 jars of pickles, a 6-pack of beer bottles, AND a gallon of milk NO PROBLEM. Let those other suckers roll around a broken-wheeled cart! I'LL be cleaning up broken shards of glass, pickles, sauce, and beer on Aisle 9
On my opinion, the human society is running on these: 1 Technology defines theoretical economic aggregate 2 Work defines gross economy 3 Finance system defines distribution of wealth from gross economy 4 Judicial power and liberty creation define above 3 points
In times like these, we can see who is a man and who is a kid. Only the latter would turn back for the basket.
It me.. I'm man
EVERY TIME
I know this feel. It is a stupid feel but I know this feel 🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️🤦🏿♂️
Guilty. 🤣
Or “I’ll come back for the rest tomorrow...”
We’ve all been there lolll
Every time
I feel this in my SOUL
Every single time
GO TO THE CARTS AND DUMP THEM ALL IN!! QUICK!
Me almost every time on supermarket.
If I go back to get a kart when I already got items they will think I’m trying to steal them
Part of the training to become a man
drewmagary Always
😁😁been there, done that😁😁😁
Too real to be Onionized.
Me, every single time. 🤦♂️
Thank you for your service
“I don’t need a bag.”
you do not have to call me out like this.
Ah, *that* feeling.
*sigh* Yet another Onion tweet I'm in against my will...
People who do this are also committed to not using bags. I know because I am one
The struggle is real. I do this everytime.
And - bring it all inside, one trip
Never surrender
brave soldier
it me
💩
Ohhhhh, this is me. I only need to pick up two things. Oh, and I need that too. And that. Oh crap, should’ve got a basket.
and I ain’t sure as hell not gonna pay 2 bucks for a new reusable bag that I’ll forget to bring next time
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