BETHEL PARK, PA—Speaking slowly and moving stiffly Tuesday, Pittsburgh-area resident Matt Van Duyne attributed his hangover to everything but the excessive amount of alcohol he'd consumed the previous night."One big problem was the empty stomach," said Van Duyne, holding his head and taking deep breaths. "I really should know by now to make sure to eat a piece of pizza or some french fries or something before doing any drinking.
"Last Thursday, we all went out to Pitchers Pub to celebrate landing this huge St. Francis Medical Center account," said Heather Hagerty, 25, a tech writer at Altered Images. "Over the course of the next four hours, Matt drank six Iron Citys, three Cuervo shots, and a Jack and Coke. The next morning at work, he's complaining that he feels woozy because he didn't take his Vitamin B before drinking.
Did he blame it on the sunshine? Did he blame it on the moonlight? Did he blame it on the good times? Did he blame it on the boogie?
Orange wedges,lemon twist,cherries,olives. Fruit and veggies bad, very bad.
Or it was just “that last one”. Yeah, number 25 did it, James.
damn that mescal worm!
Hangover comes from the govnerment
I did not agree to have my likeness used in this story. Had I laid off the spicy food the night before perhaps I would not have been too hungover to sue.
It was because it was a small glass of water. Next time it will be fine
You sure this is the Onion? This is the most truthful article that has ever been written.
Listen, September 11th was a rough day for all Americans
agirl_whowrites
He could not know...
Man whoever runs the onion really has it out for balding white guys.
Why blame that movie at all. I thought it was ok.
This was in the first edition I ever got and have been waiting for this tweet for a long time.
'I think I got food poisoning.'
Thanks I learned some great stuff to use in the future
typical
100% true.
treasuretrova
Duh
Xerxony
I knew that potato salad at Easter was questionable, why did I eat it?
Bad ice cube.
it's my allergies!
I definitely am feeling personally attacked here.
My twenty-first pint was spiked.
Those 10.0 nachos are a killer.
That's darn right presidential!
Sounds like he is still drunk
The male version of chelseasmile24
Feel like I just got called out.
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