Love Bytes: Are funny text messages the sign of a lasting relationship? - The San Francisco Examiner

By Mimi Winsberg Special to The Examiner • February 22, 2022 1:30 pm - Updated February 24, 2022 10:55 amWelcome to the second installment of Love Bytes, The Examiner’s advice column for those intrigued, perplexed or outraged by their romantic texts. My name is Mimi and I am a San Francisco psychiatrist who has mastered the art and science of teasing out personalities from your asynchronous messages.

What strikes me about V-day is that it’s often so humorless, a mandated civic assignment like jury duty or filing taxes. We all know we should, though few are actually willing. We set aside our usual amatory routine in favor of a paint-by-numbers offerings: red roses, bling, a Hallmark card. I know of one couple whose tradition on this day is to cheekily hand each other a dollar bill.

Humor can be one of the most powerful signs of a good relationship. It can be extremely affiliative, that is to say, used in such a way to connect with others, and the grain of truth it contains creates strong bonds between those who share it. Other types of humor can be problematic, such as when it is excessively self-deprecating or aggressive, but when it is affiliative, as it is in Renée’s case, it is usually quite healthy.

In “Speaking In Thumbs,” I go into love languages and what they might look like over text. What Renée is trying to do here is what I call, although it is not truly riffing unless you join in, which you do. One of the signs of good relationships is when people mirror each other in their texts, matching style, length and tone. Riffing takes this to another level, adding in rhythm, rhyme and humor and displaying how well two people get each other, how their minds meld and dance.

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