“I’m living with heartbreak again. It’s different but the same,” Lorde, 26, wrote in an open letter to fans shared via herpage on Wednesday, September 20. “I ache all the time, I forget why and then remember. I’m not trying to hide from the pain, I understand now that pain isn’t something to hide from, that there’s actually great beauty in moving with it. But sometimes I’m sick of being with myself.
Lorde didn’t specify exactly what she’s been dealing with but hinted that she’s been facing some physical ailments over the past few months. “My body is really inflamed, it’s trying to tell me something and I’m trying to support it but nothing seems to help and I get frustrated,” she wrote. “My gut isn’t working properly, my skin is worse than ever, I’ve gotten sick half a dozen times.
She went on to note that she recently stopped taking a “little yellow pill” that she’d been taking every day since she was 15. “Gonna see how it goes,” she added, noting that she pulled out of plans to attend Paris Fashion Week later this month because she didn’t want to “be one of the people in the light smiling if it wasn’t real.
The good news is that Lorde hinted she may pour some of these feelings into new music. Her most recent album,
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