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KitchenAid Unveils New Lobster Sedation Kit To Reduce Cruelty Of Boiling Them Alive

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BENTON HARBOR, MI—Advertised as an essential home appliance for any seafood lover, KitchenAid unveiled Monday the latest addition to its line of products, a lobster sedation kit designed to reduce the cruelty inherent in boiling to death a living, feeling creature. “KitchenAid has developed a more humane method of lobster preparation that helps manage the pain a lobster feels upon being dropped into a 16-quart pot of scalding-hot water,” said company spokesperson Carolyn Green, adding that marine biologists and chefs had confirmed the kit’s proprietary blend of powerful anesthesia and rich, hand-churned butter alleviated the pain of a lobster’s blistering hot demise by up to 65%, while also improving flavor considerably. “Rather than violently plunging a still-very-much-alive meal into 212-degree water without warning, both professional and at-home chefs can now facilitate a more peaceful transition for their dinner. Our full line of end-of-life products for your lobster includes a small embroidered pillow it can lay its head upon, a compact disc of serene ocean sounds, a small tank of nitrous oxide with a little application mask, and a soothing olive oil massage serum that promotes both relaxation and succulence. After the session, simply lower the medicated, fully marinated lobster to its bubbling death as if it were a nice, hot bath. And enjoy!” Green added that the company planned to offer customers with more sensitive lobsters, a controlled-release opioid-delivery system with a button specifically fashioned to be pressed by a claw.\n

BENTON HARBOR, MI—Advertised as an essential home appliance for any seafood lover, KitchenAid unveiled Monday the latest addition to its line of products, a lobster sedation kit designed to reduce the cruelty inherent in boiling to death a living, feeling creature.

“Rather than violently plunging a still-very-much-alive meal into 212-degree water without warning, both professional and at-home chefs can now facilitate a more peaceful transition for their dinner.

 

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You fool, nothing is stopping me from just eating the lobster *and* the sedation kit whole.

So thoughtful. It's better this way.

Oh JFC.

Play some Smash mouth. It’ll beg for death.

Suppressing a lobster's movement doesn't reduce pain; it's rather more cruel. Boiling them alive doesn't add any protein.

Bro the photoshop on this is insane, thanks onion!

Soylent Green Is Lobster!

It’s not even 1st April? 🤣

WTF

Consider the lobster

They have same nerve system as a cock roach.

who finna sedate their lobster😭🤣

Someone think of the lobsters

MrJesseJames4 Don’t they die instantly in boiling water?

clove oil will actually do this. frfr

Lobsters go peench peench

I just put on Fox News in the kitchen and the lobster jumps in the boiling water by itself lobstercide

No this is totally a Williams Sanoma thing

simpleminded71

Tanyalgilbert 😭

This sounds like a metaphor for Jordan Peterson haters

Bless! The practice of boiling lobsters alive is the only moral dilemma I’ve ever faced in regards to food. So thankful for this Kitchen Aid solution to it. 😌🙏🏻

All kidding aside just stab them, bash their head, run them over with your bike ect... Anything is better than being BOILED ALIVE!!!!😱 Jesus...

Never trust a lobster...ever

BobTozzi We need this for more people than lobsters.

But does it come in aqua sky?

😄😄

'Consider the Lobster'

Just keep in mind the 'vein' is not what it sounds like.

Like some kid isn’t going to use that on his sibling. Sheesh.

I gotta be honest, I would totally be on board with this

This account has served its purpose. Imo.

LOL, brutal.

🙄

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