John Waters Energizes School Of Visual Arts Grads With Virtual Commencement Speech For ‘Coronavirus Class Of 2020’

seemed to be determined to motivate and energize a class of grads heading into the most precarious job market in memory. But he often heads into detours, from pondering the inevitablePorn film knockoff to a Lori Loughlin shout out, and the possibility that grads might be unique if in fact they have the distinction of possibly being the last graduating class in the world, ever. So it’s not thespeech, but it’s still pretty entertaining stuff as the offbeat filmmaker dispenses life lessons.

But now you have been robbed of a normal graduation, forever branded the Coronavirus Class of 2020. I wish I could be like that billionaire tech investor who last year as commencement speaker pledged to pay off all the graduating students’ college loans. I was going to do the same until all show biz got cancelled and now I’m unemployed.

You are stars, too, and today is your day to shine. Degrees are like Academy Awards, you have to campaign and sometimes the rules change. Fashion? Ok, a baccalaureate in this is ultra-relevant, but let’s hit the red carpet and take it to the masters level by combining style with artistic nerve. Every day from now until November start dressing head to toe as the candidate you’re going to vote for to be President and Vice-President. Think of the photo-ops.

Here’s a piece of good advice – learn to pick your own battles. The ones you can win. Are plastic straws really the biggest issue in America today? Should we go further and ban all plastic utensils and eat with our hands so cockroaches can live? I agree with PETA on some animal rights concerns, but when they argue that using the term ‘pet is derogatory to a dog and compare it to calling a woman ‘sweetie’ or ‘honey,’ I’m not sure they win any converts.

But while you’re still young? Maybe it’s time to become a virus yourself. A good kind of virus, one fueled by the years of hard work you put in at the incubator known as the School of Visual Arts. An asymptomatic intellectual flu that stealthily infects the closed minded, strikes those who judge others first but never themselves. You’ll invade the cells of intolerance on both sides of the political fence, damage systems of discrimination of any kind. Yes, you will make others sick.

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