If Kids Made New Year's Resolutions, These Are the Ones They Would Have Broken Already

activities at home to spark their creativity. I could certainly stand to set more boundaries at bedtime, and, oh, I could finally commit to teaching my oldest how to ride a bike! But as I thought about all the things I should start doing for the betterment of my kids, I stopped to wonder: what the f*ck are they resolving to do for me?

I will stop picking my nose. At the very least, I will stop putting the contents of my nose into my mouth.I will not say"I'm HUNGERRRYYYY" 70 seconds after not eating my dinner.I will be more specific the first time. I will know that dipping the TV remote into my cup of milk is not the right thing to do without having to be told.I will not ask where my coat is while sitting on my bed looking at my own belly button.I will not ask"why?" more than three consecutive times about the same topic, including but not limited to evolution, the color of the sky, death in movies, cars going faster than ours, dinosaur existence, childbirth, genitalia, and whatever it is my friend gets to do that I don't.

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