‘I would rather him be lonely than dead’: How to manage when someone you love is in a nursing home

When Katherine Klingseis recognized nursing homes and assisted-living facilities would soon be locked down because of the coronavirus, she got her hands on a flip phone and went to see her 78-year-old father after work on Thursday.

Her only concern: how the staff is balancing caring for patients and themselves. Limiting visitor access to nursing homes and assisted-living facilities makes sense, as it reduces the risk of catching the disease, but it’s hard to steer clear of the coronavirus if staff and nurses become infected. “I am hoping they get some relief if they have been contaminated, or if they show any symptoms that they don’t feel they have to stay there,” she said.

A vulnerable population that needs protecting Having a loved one in a nursing home during a health crisis is stressful, with so many questions and not enough answers. Some facilities have been continuously updating residents’ family members about policies in place, but still a lot is unknown, said Gail Tedesco, whose mother is in a nursing home in Virginia.

Tedesco and her family are doing the best they can to stay in contact with her mother. “That is where I’m feeling at a loss,” she said. They were considering standing outside of her window to wave hello one day, but her phone doesn’t reach that far so it’s not as though they could really have much of a face-to-face conversation. She and her sister, Judy Kelly, are working on a schedule so that they and their husbands can make a call to their mother every day around the same time.

Living in a nursing home or assisted-living facility may be more lonely for now, especially as more centers close off access to visitors and keep only necessary staff on hand.

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