The evening my brother died was crisp but warm, early October. It was a regular day. People are always struck by the ordinariness of the circumstances when something bad happens.
Matt self-medicated with substances for years before it turned into a full-blown heroin addiction. It started with pill-popping at parties, then morphed into stockpiling syringes in a Café Bustelo can. When I think back to that October evening, there’s an alternative version of events that I often indulge in. In this version, I still come home to the apartment we shared and find my brother overdosing in his bedroom, his skin blue like it’s covered in crepe paper, his mouth ajar yet unbreathing.
But this time, I don’t stumble and scream. Instead, I calmly uncap a dose of naloxone, the one I always keep with me. I tilt my brother’s head, his dirty blond hair brushing back off his face. I administer the naloxone, an easy puff up his nostril. I watch with hopeful desperation. A minute passes, maybe two. And then Matt’s gaping mouth draws air again. A cough, and then another. He opens his eyes. The color returns to his freckled arms, his cheeks. I hold his head and sigh.
But in fact, decades of scientific research illuminate many effective treatment strategies for substance use disorders, and millions of Americans are thriving in recovery today.Matt’s addiction brought him to various hospitals over the years. Doctors did not have much to offer. They shrugged. They looked at the floor, uncomfortable, or they lectured, haughty. They told us Matt’s brain was swollen from heroin use. They told us it was very important for him to stop using heroin.
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