I Went To A Virtual Sex Party And Came To Terms With My Childhood Abuse

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My husband and I thought we could get away on mute during a virtual quarantine sex party. Instead, I had to face one of my deepest shames.

I didn’t realize just how much my abuse had affected my sex life until after I started going to therapy when I was 26.

But no one tells you that when you start healing from sexual trauma, you start to think a lot about sex. During those conversations, I asked him things I would have only asked my therapist. It felt like I was taking a deep, slow breath out. So what if you’re a woman who is still trying to heal from her trauma but who also wants to be a fully embodied sexual goddess?“[The trauma] may be a part of your life because you went through it and you coped with itI wrote that down and read it over and over again.Now that NSFW is hosting virtual parties, the barrier to attend events is much lower.

The experience can be as anonymous as you want it to be. Saynt encourages people to wear a mask or keep their cameras off if they’re shy about it. Voyeurs are welcome. There’s no pressure to perform. I thought we could get by on mute in the couples room but, not long after we joined, the host, a woman wearing horns who was with a man in a captain’s hat, asked us to pick “truth or dare.”

I was in a shame spiral. I had felt so powerful and bad-ass at the party, but now my heart felt tender, and I wanted to know why.

 

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