A qualified therapist who understands both anxiety disorders and asexuality, and is ace-affirming, can help you sort through which of these factors are contributing to your difficulty in turning your brain off and receiving. People of all sexual orientations, including allosexuals—meaning people who are not on the ace spectrum—may experience the same hard time turning their brains off that you’re reporting, so that might be another piece of the puzzle.
As for tactics you can try in the meantime, or without the support of a therapist, you can absolutely spend some time working on your relationship to your body.
I do not mean to paint my wife in an unflattering light, truly. She’s an amazing person and as good of a partner otherwise as they come. I’m just growing resentful about this one aspect of our marriage. I am a sexual person and I always thought I would get to explore that side of myself with a trusted partner. I’m also tired of always feeling like it’s my responsibility to shepherd her into new experiences lest it doesn’t happen.
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