I Swore I’d Never Be a Woman Who Cooked—Until I Had a Family of My Own to Feed

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'The story I’d been telling myself (and plenty of others) was that I hate cooking. But was that even true?'

The George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine hit the market in 1995. My parents separated in 1999. Two events that perhaps don’t seem related but are.

After the divorce my dad moved out, my brother left for boarding school, and dinners were never the same again. My mom recently told me that during those years, post-separation, 6 p.m. was always the most depressing hour of the day for her. Sometimes she’d go to the library after work just to use the heat there, instead of coming home and starting a fire and facing the palpable loneliness of being two instead of four. She told me her therapist had said, "Of course. That's when, historically, families began preparing dinner." I nodded along knowingly.

The story I’d been telling myself was that I hate cooking. But was that even true? A friend called me out once, saying, “You don’t hate cooking—you just don't know how.” Rebellion and defensiveness can look a lot alike. My mom had raised me to be an independent feminist, but in retrospect, I began wearing those principles as armor against real intimacy. I thought people who didn’t cook were cooler than those who did.

 

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