I'm a Mom Who Nearly Died Of Sepsis Because I Didn’t ‘Have Time To Be Sick’

Right after I was moved out of the intensive care unit, my kids were allowed to visit me.

Within 72 hours of grudgingly climbing into bed immediately after dinner because I was too exhausted to stay up any longer, I was in the back of an ambulance headed for the hospital. What happened? The hours in between are a blur of memories: My little boys standing by the bed asking if I felt like playing, my husband checking on me to see if I needed anything, and me saying, “I’m OK. I just need more sleep.

It wasn’t until after I had spent 12 hours in the emergency room and was finally moved to a bed in the intensive care unit that I learned the severity of my condition. The diagnosis of septic shock and severe sepsis didn’t really set off any warning bells for me. I had heard the terms only while watching TV shows like ”.” I had some vague sense that my condition was a serious one, but I was too foggy-brained to consider what that meant in real life, to my life.

I had nearly died of sepsis, yes, but the sepsis had been a response to infection and the infection had been a response to… a lack of self-care. Maybe that’s too simplistic, but that’s how it felt. Once I was home, my responsibilities and routines resumed—but I was far from better. And my feeble attempts at self-care had to take a backseat to caring for my kids and maintaining some sense of normalcy for them.

“I don’t have time to be sick,” I joked breathlessly from the ICU bed, my body connected to wires and tubes, monitors beeping steadily behind me. I said it, not just to ward off the sudden terror of knowing I almost died, but as a reflex to every encouragement I’ve ever received to slow down, get some rest, take better care of myself. Self-care wasn’t something I took seriously before my ambulance ride to the ER — and it’s still not something I’m very good at.

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