I’m A Domestic Violence Survivor. The Way You Talk About Gabby Petito Matters.

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'When the police camera footage first leaked from Gabby Petito’s missing person case, something inside of me recognized something inside of her.'

Everyone from horrified spectators to amateur internet detectives began analyzing every bit of information they could find. They publicly rehashed the police footage, social media posts, and Gabby’s own words, jumping to conclusions and placing blame.

I quickly found out who in my social circle thinks Gabby’s problem was that she had a thing for “bad boys,” and that she would have been better off giving a “nice guy” a chance. I know who thinks she should have left sooner. I know who thinks we need to wait until we haveknow these things, then so do the other people who have stood in my shoes.

And sadly, it’s very likely that somebody currently living through that same horror is going to remain silent because of the way we talk about domestic violence.After the security guard finally left us that night, I sat in terrified silence, trying to decide if I’d made things better or worse by not telling the truth about what had happened ― not just in that parking lot, but in all the other places where my fiancé’s anger and jealousy had boiled over into violence.

On that night, the blown tire and the security guard acted as a reset button of sorts. It’s a routine my fellow survivors know all too well. There were apologies, promises of change, and a brief period of calm — the man I had fallen in love with was back, andhe assured me, things would be different. But of course they weren’t, because they never are.a few weeks later. Had social media been as popular then as it is now, I don’t know if I would have been able to do it.

 

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