I have a lot of enemies. Am I the problem? Hax readers give advice.

We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Some of the best responses are below.I think I’m overly prone to making enemies or having important relationships end in a ball of flames. I’ve explored this with therapists but have always heard, “It’s not you, it’s them.” But if it keeps happening, surely it’s at least a little bit me, right?

Is it possible to be actually nice and still collect lots of enemies? If so, any life hacks for making fewer enemies while still being a reasonably sincere version of yourself, for the sake of sanity alone? Are there some people who just get more annoying over time on average than others, and if so, how do I know if that is me? Or do I not want to know? I really don't want to be the villain in other people's life stories.

Where someone else might, for example, choose to just slowly ghost a friend, I choose to address whatever issue there is in the friendship. This can lead to a full “end” to the relationship vs. a conflict-free fadeaway. It sounds like you’re doing just fine.What an interesting question from someone who is aware they may not be fully aware. Delving into these issues could be a great exercise. Line up your facts. Literally, on a piece of paper or in your notes.

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