I don’t have kids but a number of my peers now have babies and toddlers, which means I’ve heard an awful lot of my smart, articulate friends talking about themselves in the third person, like Elmo.
But he can be helped, and I don’t believe that help will come in the forms you’ve tried so far. To-do lists, goal-setting, demonstrations of adult behavior, and so on are not touching the underlying issues, and it is impossible to yank someone from a depression by getting them a job or suggesting possible career paths. He is simply too depressed—too traumatized—to be productive.
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