I Had A Miscarriage During The Height Of The Pandemic — It Gutted Me

Having a miscarriage can already be an incredibly isolating feeling, but having one during a time where almost the entire country was on lockdown? I wasn’t sure I’d survive. I couldn’t have anyone come with me to have surgery to. I couldn’t just show up at my grandma’s house and cry my eyes out to her because there was fear of bringing the virus along with me. I had never felt more alone…even with a house full of people.So I coped. I leaned into being a mom to my five- and two-year-old.

I binge watched old shows. Because there is always something comforting about their familiarity in the midst of chaos. And I can now say I have watched “Jane the Virgin” in its entirety four times . I wrote on my site. I scrolled social media … and deleted a lot of people that didn’t align with the feelings that I wanted to feel. I managed. And when the time came, we tried again. There’s ALWAYS fun in trying again. And a year and a half later, I’m sitting here writing this article while my rainbow baby nurses.

Losing a baby almost broke me. But the rainbow after the storm has honestly been the sweetest reward.

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