I don’t want to call my in-laws ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’. Hax readers give advice.

We asked readers to channel their inner Carolyn Hax and answer this question. Some of the best responses are below.My husband and I have been married for 2.5 years, together for 7 and are expecting our first child — the first grandchild for his parents and second for mine — this summer.

Since meeting my husband’s parents, I have gone from calling them “Mr. and Mrs. X” to calling them by first names. My husband does the same for my parents. However, this weekend I learned that his parents have begun to chafe at my calling them by their first names. They let me know, via text, they prefer and were “elated” when one time this weekend I called them “Mom and Dad.

Do I speak up or should I just let it go? Do I continue to call them by their first names even when I know they’d prefer something else? They will soon become “Grandma” and “Grandpa,” so should I just wait until then and roll with that?This stinks. I’m sorry. I wish people would be more concerned with the quality of their relationships to their children-in-law than how they are addressed and if last names are being taken or not.

I do have some sympathy for your husband’s parents in that I firmly believe in the importance of honoring someone’s name of choice. But this is more an issue of an honorific than a name. Have a conversation with them to come up with a mutually agreeable solution. That could lead to their not only understanding how important this issue is to you in regard to honoring your own parents, but you can also gently make them aware of their need to honor your choice of your legal last name.

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