'I Don't Feel Loved Anymore'

One spouse of a person diagnosed with ADHD wrote us: “My husband says he loves me, but his actions say otherwise. He often forgets what we talk about and pays me little attention. How do I get beyond feeling abandoned, and trapped in a loveless marriage?”partner pay more attention to me? I struggle to connect with him even when he is around, as he seems to be lost in his own world. I feel very much uncared for by him, but he struggles to understand these feelings.

Distractibility, chronic tardiness, difficulty following through on things, not remembering what the two of you talked about a few weeks ago — these classicYou, the ADHD partner, might love your partner. You might feel all mushy inside when she walks in. You might feel as if your world would fall apart if she left you. But trust us when we tell you that your behaviors might be communicating that you don’t care.

Having enough time for attending in a loving way is critical to a relationship. You must make time and master attending to your partner. Here are some strategies you can use to add more of the right kind of “attend time” to your relationship:You can figure out what to do during that time later. Set aside, say, 1-4 p.m. every Saturday afternoon to explore your town. At 1, stop what you are doing and decide what sounds like fun for those few hours. If you have kids, get a sitter.

In the Orlov household, one of those routines is George making coffee for Melissa in the morning, and Melissa making breakfast. In Nancie’s household, Nancie and Steve take a late-night stroll with their dogs, often catching up on the day’s events or planning for the next day.When you walk in the door after a hard day, spend five minutes in the same room talking about positive things that happened that day.

Imagine both partners having AAD/ADHD while raising three ADHD children.

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