I am a 31-year-old man, not yet married, earning decent money and have no great financial burden in my family. I have learned from your replies to others that many money problems are not only about the numbers — income, rate of return or which stock to buy and when — but also about our personalities, how we behave in life and how we deal with others when money is involved.
My success rate of rejecting them is about 50%. Therefore, half the time I am either too tired to refuse or worn down by being guilt-tripped, and I finally give in to them. I have considered giving up my gym membership to avoid meeting these characters, but there are still quite a number of classes that I have paid for and haven’t yet attended, so I have ruled out this option.
I’m not going to criticize you. Believe me, there are enough perfect people on social media who would take great pleasure in doing that. We all have weaknesses, needs, desires, hopes and dreams, and they do play into our relationship to money — from paying for dating apps and dinner dates to buying stuff that give us the feeling of having a higher social status. Nobody is immune.
Say, “No thank you,” when offered classes. And if you are pushed repeat, “Again, no thank you.” The less you say, the more weight your words will carry. That will help you understand your inability to say no. You have been honest about one reason: The promise of matchmaking. Don’t let one area of your life — your desire to meet a significant other — rule the others. Put your wallet back in your pocket.
We don’t have to answer every question that people ask us — in fact, we don’t have to answer any question that people ask us. If someone asks you how much money you make, you have every right to say, “I’m not comfortable answering that question.” If someone asks you why you won’t do something, you can say, “Because my calendar is full.”
So let’s recap this crash course in saying no. First, ask yourself why you capitulate. Second, remember that it’s OK to say no. Third, know that it’s OK to not answer a question. Fourth, remind yourself that we don’t have to be everybody’s friend and it’s OK if other people don’t like us or if they get mad at us because we are not doing what they want us to do. And finally, learn to simply smile and walk away.
Quantanamo How about something subtle like telling the centre manager, “I don’t pay my membership fee simply to be a sitting target for your sales-people. If you don’t stop harassing me, I will cancel my membership and go to your competitor, and I will shout from the tree-tops why”
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