Eventually, the heat wave ended and so, I supposed, would my woes. To celebrate, I drove to a Dunkin’ Donuts to hork down on a chocolate eclair. Mid-bite, the urge to pee came over me again, and this time it hit especially hard. Panicked, I scurried back inside and begged for bathroom access. It was under renovation, I was told. It was too late for me to find another location. So I leapt into a bush and hiked up my dress.
Fat lot of good that did. My doctor laughed — actually laughed! — then patted me on the shoulder as if I had been chosen last in dodgeball. He encouraged me to “talk to friends.” These problems were psychological, he said, and as I learned to better manage my emotions, I would soon be able to use the bathroom like a civilized human being.
By October, I was down to a weight I hadn’t seen on my scale since eighth grade. I had resorted to eating applesauce exclusively because it was easy to spoon into my mouth between naps. I was living like a tall newborn. I also called my doctor again to let him know that the potassium tablets weren’t working and tonic water is gross, but he was on vacation. I’d have to tough it out until the end of the month.
Four paramedics stomped their way into my room and were immediately bored, I assume because I wasn’t doing a bang-up job of explaining how I was feeling, what with the lack of oxygen in my brain and all. There was a bag of vomit at my bedside that should have tipped them off to the reality of my situation, but one of them just mumbled “gross” and pushed it aside with their boot. Another opened a window, suggesting the room was “kinda stuffy” and that’s why I couldn’t breathe properly.
Source: Healthcare Press (healthcarepress.net)
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