From walking away to showing compassion for the kid who is being cruel, there’s plenty that kids and parents can do to stop bullying or deal with it in the moment.Travis Price was bullied relentlessly as a child. It started in grade one, with kids calling him “toilet paper” because his initials are TP. By grade three, he was getting beaten up on the playground, and he ended up in the hospital after some particularly vicious attacks.
“Kids who are intent on bullying often pick kids who are responsive,” says Bonnie Leadbeater, a WITS principal investigator and psychology professor at the University of Victoria. “If you’re walking away to a safer place, you’re not talking back, getting upset or crying. You’re basically saying that being teased doesn’t matter to you.”
However, in the heat of the moment, kids can feel overwhelmed, making it incredibly difficult for them to process and act on what’s happening. Parents can help their kids by role-playing to prepare for such moments or working with teachers to set up mediated conversations between the kids. Bystanders can also play a pivotal role.“Bullying can stop in 10 seconds or less if somebody intervenes,” says Price, who cites a study that found this was the case more than half the time.
by a girl who was making fun of her light-up shoes. “Why are you so interested in my shoes?” the girl asked with a blank look on her face. The other girl called her a “loser,” to which she replied, “Well, if I’m a loser and you’re following me around…” She shrugged, and the other girl ran off.“When a kid says something nasty and gets that kind of reaction, it makes them feel silly and they find someone else who has the reaction they were looking for,” says Kolari.
To encourage kids to open up, Kolari recommends using her signature CALM technique. It basically involves tuning in to your child and letting them set the tone for the conversation. “When parents do this, their child’s social skills improve more than half of the time because they’re feeling better from the inside out,” says Kolari, adding that there are free resources about the CALM technique on. “It builds emotional resilience and has a huge positive impact on mental health and social health.
When Price was being bullied, his parents bought him an Xbox 360 and he met fellow gamers online. “I went outside school to find new friends,” says Price. “I felt like I had my own community.”
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