It’s the person nobody wants to talk about: that bridesmaid in the wedding party portrait hanging on a family’s wall that their child points to and says, “Mommy, who’s that lady?” And yet, there’s probably a version of That Stranger in the Tangerine Tulle in many of our futures. For some, the fact that you’re no longer in the couple’s life may be caused from naturally drifting apart over years, for others there may be a harsh and sudden break.
But…what if you could? I’ll be honest: That this was even an option didn’t occur to me until I was chatting with another friend of mine who breezily said she’d turned down offers multiple times—and yes, that included a time she was asked to be the maid of honour. “I just didn’t feel like I was the right person for the job,” she said nonchalantly. “I told her we just hadn’t known each other long enough and I would feel awkward playing such an important role.
Make your decision Whether you can say no to being a bridesmaid is actually one of the most common questions that comes up in the online community forum run by therapist Miriam Kirmayer. If you’re someone who’s ambivalent but feeling pressure to say “yes,” Kirmayer recommends approaching it as a decision you’re making, not an obligation you have no way to decline.
Be honest about your reasons If your intention is to preserve the friendship, honesty will go a long way. “Be specific. Let them know your decision has little to do with your friendship, and more to do with external factors, says Kirmayer. “Highlight that you still want to be involved, and find another way to celebrate with them, like planning the bachelorette, helping curate a Pinterest board or going dress shopping with them.
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