How to Restore Passion to a Relationship

suggests a fascinatingly different approach, however. The authors hypothesized that to intensify passion, couples need to grow and expand first as separate individuals. They need to experience excitement and develop competence and new perspectives individually. Then they need to bring these newly developed self-aspects back to their relationship.

The results indicated that on days when participants experienced larger amounts of self-expansion, they also reported higher levels of intimacy in their relationship. This was in large part explained by corresponding increases in positive emotions—presumably the result of experiencing self-expansion.

This of course makes sense. A person who has a day where they experience personal growth—in this case, perhaps from an exciting new job in a brand-new city—is likely to feel newly invigorated. This person may feel they’ve gained increased insight into themselves as well as what they want out of life. They feel they’ve found the right"fit," and perhaps are now even more

about the future. Naturally, this person then brings home this energy to their partner, who may, in turn, suddenly view them in a new light.In a sense, this is no different than introducing other types of novelty into a relationship, as relationship experts often encourage people to do. Two partners who reunite after a day of self-growth are in fact coming back to their relationship as slightly different people. Therein lies the excitement and novelty.

This again makes sense. Sometimes people’s experiences, including their jobs, truly make them turn into completely different people. Their values and goals change, and they decide they want something bigger and different out of life. A person like this is expanding so quickly that their partner may essentially get left behind.

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