‘How Do I Stop Feeling Angry at My Parents?’

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HolaPapi: 'Do you have any wise words for those of us grieving our troubled childhoods and wanting to move on?' jpbrammer responds

Illustration: Pedro Nekoi Do you have any wise words for those of us grieving our troubled childhoods and wanting to move on?

Historically, they have pushed back against seeking therapy, so I don’t expect them to be more emotionally available down the line. I still talk to both of them fairly regularly, but our interactions feel very surface level. I’ve thought a lot about what it felt like to be a child, Sad Guy, as I’m sure many people have as they scour the seabed of their lives for answers. I think it’s even more common for LGBT people who’ve had to come out to their family or stay in the closet because they feared the reaction. I have wonderful, loving parents, for example, but they weren’t perfect on this front either.

It’s entirely understandable that you would want to find acceptance from the people who didn’t give it to you when it mattered most. Maybe if you could get them to come around, if you could win their approval, if you could cut off the trauma at its source and close the mouth of the river, then you could move on with your life. But that’s not how rivers work. You can waste a lot of time and energy that way.

 

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