How Do I Know If I Want Kids?

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To procreate, or not to procreate? That’s the age-old question being wrestled with on this week’s episode of TheCutPodcast

Photo-Illustration: The Cut. Photo: Getty Images The Cut A weekly audio magazine exploring culture, style, sex, politics, and more, with host Avery Trufelman.

ANNA: Why don’t we just start, Avery? Today, when you think about the question about whether you want to become a parent, what comes up? AVERY: Okay. You’ve just touched on one more very core insecurity that I have around motherhood. I can’t think of a more polite way to say it, so I’m just going to sound mean. I’m so sorry, but the sort of basic-ing that happens.AVERY: You know what I mean? You are someone who has worked so hard to develop an acumen for what is new and what is interesting and what is missing from the conversation and needs to be said.

AVERY: That’s an interesting thing. I loved kids. I was a babysitter growing up, but I was a kid along with them. We would make sundaes. I remember these two kids I babysat, we would cover the entire road with sidewalk chalk and do these big, ambitious art projects and make it an adventure and just have insane amounts of fun — like, way too much fun. So I do love kids a lot, and I also think sometimes I live my life for the adventure.

AVERY: And when their first son, Cade, was born, Julie found ways to work with him. Literally alongside her — right there in the studio. AVERY: You make it all sound kind of beautiful and wholesomely integrated with your life and your work and your practice. What did you have to give up as a parent?AVERY: I feel like so much of the mythos of the artist is smoking and behaving badly. And, I don’t know, being kind of interesting in that way. [Laughs.] Sorry.AVERY: I mean …

I feel like something about the way that people can have kids and find liberation as well is important. For me, there’s something about talking to people about it, because no one ever talked to me about it in that way.AVERY: Well, time is, as you said …AVERY: I’ve got to make a decision. And if I do, or if I don’t, it’s going to affect my life tremendously. Either choice is a choice.

AVERY: I wish I had the certainty of that desire. It leads to this more existential question of Is it more painful to know exactly what you want, or is it more painful to not know anything and just be adrift?AVERY: This is going to make me sound like an absolute maniac, but I guess this shows you where my priorities are now.

 

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trufelman I’m more invested in the name of the photographer who took the photo.

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