How Differences in Sexual Desire Affect a Marriage

in nature. Furthermore, the vast majority of people expect their intimate relationship to be sexually exclusive. And yet, people differ widely in terms of how much sex they want, so it’s not surprising that one of the most common reasons that couples seek counseling is differences in sexual desire.

Prior research shows that couples with wide gaps in sexual desire report lower sexual and relationship satisfaction than those with narrower gaps . However, Kim and colleagues argue, this emphasis on absolute differences ignores an important finding in relationship science — specifically, the observation that couples that have sex frequently are more satisfied with their relationship and their sex life compared to those who have sex less often.

These two couples both have the same degree of difference in sexual desire. However, their frequency of sexual activity is quite different, with Andrew and Bianca doing it once or twice a week, while Caleb and Danielle do it only once or twice a month. After they had collected their data, the researchers looked at both differences in sexual desire and frequency of sexual activity to see which better predicted sexual and relationship satisfaction. The results challenge the receivedFirst, Kim and colleagues found that couples that are matched in sexual desire are not necessarily more satisfied, sexually or relationally, than those who are mismatched. This result seems to directly refute previous findings of a mismatch effect.

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