I knew I was far from the only woman to go through a pregnancy loss. In the U.S., anywhere from 10 to 25 percent of recognized pregnancies end in miscarriage—that is, the loss of a fetus typically. But I was devastated. My husband was devastated. He handled it in his own way; he withdrew and stewed it out. I cried and got drunk.
I was moved by the conversation and read the thread with fascination. The ideas other moms offered were heartfelt and touching. The responses made up a beautiful collection of simple, thoughtful ways to commemorate a barely there life that had been lost. I was certain that finding my own way to recognize my loss would help bring me some closure to the memory I carried of my own loss that felt somewhat healed, but not fully.
“My husband and I both spent a bit of time looking for a ring that felt like a meaningful commemoration,” Maggie explained to me. “We’re both big antique jewelry fans, so we knew we wanted an antique.” “Writing is a way for me to immortalize them, somehow,” she explained. “I believe people live on through stories about them. I felt such a lack of control, it was a way to do something concrete. It feels cathartic; so they don’t just drift away with me when I eventually die, and/or so my kids know what happened when they are older or become moms.”The experience of her first miscarriage was drawn out due to it being anthat required surgery.
She found a little stuffed Grover toy that seemed just right. She told me, “[It] fit in my palm perfectly. I slept with him against my belly for a few months, and after that I put him in a little box in my nightstand and took him out every once in a while and cried.” She also eventually shared her experience as part of a public Facebook post she came across that any mothers who had experienced a miscarriage were encouraged to share on their page, with their own story attached too.
She elaborated in our interview: “I think about my lost babies around their would-be due dates. I think how old they would have been and how different life would be. I don’t do anything special in those moments. I just envision how life would have been different. And sometimes I think how I probably wouldn’t have the babies I have now if I had had those babies, which in a weird way makes me feel grateful because I know these are the babies I was meant to have.
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